All his adult life, he’d worked to satisfy the men that Garrison brought to him. It was what made Garrison happy, and by doing it, Gabriel knew that he was being good. Even when he struggled with feelings of doubt or disgust, he knew that if he just pushed through, Garrison might recognize his hard work and devotion and finally deliver on his promise. No man he’d ever been introduced to had kept his hands off him for long, and Gabriel had grown accustomed to the fact that he was made to betouched.
Beautiful flowers attract bees to pollinate them, Gabriel. Beautiful omegas are nodifferent.
Once, those words had comforted him when he hadn’t wanted to go on. Knowing his life served a purpose meant that he was better able to rationalize the things he did, and the things Garrison wanted him to do. Now, those same wordshauntedhim.
Wasn’t he beautiful? Didn’t Sirwanthim?
Why was he asking questions when they could be doing what they were biologically meanttodo?
The world wasn’t like Garrison had told him it would be, and it confused him. If he wasn’t good for sex, then what was he good for? How would he ever impress Garrison enough to get him to stay if he couldn’t evensatisfySir?
Sorrow, insidious in nature, began to infect Gabriel’s thoughts. Garrison was his future, but what good would the future be if he couldn’t be the young man Garrison wanted himtobe?
Words tumbled out of Gabriel’s mouth, chased out by a creeping sense of worthlessness that lent the slow-moving sorrow inside of him a razor edge. “I-I miss myboyfriend.”
There was a shift in Sir’s eyes. The pretty green rings around his irises were darkened by regret, and the shape of his eyes softened, like he was looking upon something tragically broken. Gabriel didn’t like to think of himself as broken, but as the poison inside him spread, he knew that he’d been fooling himself. He’d been broken for years now, held together by hope and willful ignorance. Now that he’d had the future stripped from him, he was doing his best to hold himself together by chasing the past. Sir had every right to be disgusted—Gabriel was indecay.
“You have a boyfriend?” Sir asked, his voice little more than a whisper. “Ididn’tknow.”
“I miss him.” The dam had burst, and the truth spilled forth. Gabriel could spend the rest of his life pretending that he was fine, and that he could be good, but in that moment, he was too worn down to keep up the act. “Ilovehim.”
A cloud passed over Sir’s face. For a moment, Gabriel thought he saw Sir break, too. Whether that look persisted, Gabriel didn’t know. He ducked his head and looked away, ashamed of himself for being so weak, and humiliated that what he said had brought Sirpain,too.
“Where is he?” Sir asked. His hand parted from where it had once cradled Gabriel’s jaw, and he returned it to his lap. “Why aren’t youwithhim?”
“No one’s helped me get to him.” Gabriel curled his fingers, then let them go. “I want to go back to him. I want togohome.”
Sir bent over and set his coffee on the floor. When he sat up, he lifted his ass just enough to slide his phone out of his pocket. He laid it on his palm and held it out to Gabriel. “Do you know his phonenumber?”
Gabriel looked down at the phone, startled. No one had tried to help him before, let alone a man he was supposed to serve. What was going through Sir’s head? Was it a trick? “N-No.”
“Then why don’t we Google him?” A half-smile perked one corner of Sir’s lips, but there was sorrow behind it. It was a slow-building sadness, the kind that Gabriel thought he felt, too—like Sir had been robbed of purpose. “Everyone’s online these days. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram… we’llfindhim.”
The razor-edged worthlessness in Gabriel hit a wall so hard, the blade bent and became useless. He held his breath, sure that if he made one wrong move, the dream would end and the cruel realities of life would burden himagain.
Was this for real? It wasn’t just a trick made to fool him into misbehaving? It wouldn’t be the first time someone had tried to deceive him. Only Sterling had ever asked him questions about Garrison, but in the end, he’d said that Garrison was a bad man, and he’d refused to help. Adrian was no better, and he was family. But Sir? Sir was a stranger. What was in itforhim?
“Why are you doing this for me?” Gabriel asked uneasily. The phone remained on Sir’s palm, untouched. Until he knew what Sir’s motives were, he didn’t want to push his luck. But the look in Sir’s eyes wasn’t malicious. No matter how hard Gabriel looked, he couldn’t find cruel intentioninthem.
“Because I’m here to make you happy, Gabriel.” The words were genuine in a way Gabriel wasn’t prepared for. The pinpricks exploded, and Gabriel’s heart fluttered. He bit down into his lower lip and dipped his chin, ashamed that he could ever think that Sir would want to deceive him. He’d been hurt before, but Sir had never wronged him. Why was he so distrustful of everything and everyone? “I know what it feels like to miss someone with all your heart, and if I can spare you that feeling, then I’m going to do everything I cantohelp.”
The pain in Sir’s voice was old, like it had long ago scarred over, but would never fully be gone. Gabriel wanted to ask about who he’d lost, but he knew it wasn’t his place. So instead, he looked at the phone. It was sleek and flat, its screen smudged in the places that Sir’s fingers touched most often. It had been half a decade since Gabriel had owned one—Garrison had taken his from him the same day he’d come to stay at The White Lotus. He didn’t know the first thing about how it worked. “His name is Garrison Baylor,” Gabriel said reluctantly. “Do you think you can findhim,Sir?”
“I could.” Sir shrugged. “But I think that I’ll have you find himinstead.”
The phone passed hands. It was surprisingly light, and Gabriel looked down at it with equal parts apprehension and excitement. Was he really going to do this? Sir was putting the world inhishand.
“If… If I find him,” Gabriel glanced up from the phone to look cautiously at Sir, “will you help me get back to him? Will you help megohome?”
“Ofcourse.”
Joy, golden and radiant, should have washed over him. It should have made the bliss of the pinpricks stronger, and the featherlight weight of his stomach that much moreweightless.
Itdidn’t.
The pinpricks disappeared. Gabriel’s stomach sank. Dread, the same kind he’d felt when he was introduced to the men he was meant to service, made him pinch his shoulders tightly to his neck. He had unlimited resources at his disposal—everything he needed to track down the man he loved—but he couldn’t bring himself to be excited about it. The joy had gone. Something had changed, but he didn’tknowwhat.
Sir’s sad smile answered his question. Gabriel noticed the suffering behind his pleasant facade—and his heart did, too. It ached for the alpha he’d inadvertentlydamaged.
