The dreams werenothing like they’d beenbefore.
Gabriel rose from bed, the sheets too soft against his skin to be real. It was the kind of soft that made him want to curl back up in bed and forget the rest of the world, but he couldn’t do that. Something tugged at his soul and made him get up, like if he didn’t, he might never feel comfortableagain.
There was no weakness in his legs as he walked, and no sluggishness in his limbs as there usually was, but then again, the bedroom he was in didn’t belong to Garrison—it belongedtoSir.
Padding barefoot upon the wooden floor, Gabriel found his way to the door that led out to the sun room. The curtain was pulled aside, and the door had been left ajar. Gabriel rested his hand on the brass knob and glanced into the room beyond theglass.
Sir stood there, one arm resting against the frame the screens were attached to, leaning casually as he observed the back yard. It occurred to Gabriel that he’d never been back there before, and that he had no idea what he might encounter. Still, the tug in his soul made him bold, and he pulled the door open and stepped into the room tojoinSir.
Nothing was said as Gabriel crossed the floor, even though he was sure Sir heard his footsteps. Gabriel came to a stop at his side and gazed through the screen at what lay beyond. The sun room overlooked a forest. Trees with leaves in fall colors lined the distance, beautiful in ways Gabriel couldn’t hope toexplain.
Sometimes, from the upper windows of The White Lotus, he’d seen the trees in the distance turn with the passing of the season, but their browns and rusty reds were nothing compared to the splendor he saw here. Bright yellows, stunning oranges, and deep, gorgeous reds lit up the horizon. Every now and then, one of those colorful leaves would part from its branch and topple downward, spiraling as it celebrated its momentary liberation before it was brought to a stop by the ground. The sight filled Gabriel with gloom, and he tucked his elbows against his sides in the hopes that if he held himself tight, his weakness wouldn’t bevisible.
He wastoolate.
Sir wrapped an arm around his shoulders and drew him to his side. There were no words exchanged between them, but Gabriel got the feeling that his presence was welcome and appreciated. Wary, just in case that wasn’t the truth, he leaned against Sir’s side with the uncertainty of a dog seeking permission to do the forbidden. Sir did not correct him, and his body language didn’t change, so Gabriel let himself relax. When he was settled, Sir’s arm tightened around him, and Gabriel closed his eyes and let go of the anxious breath he’d beenholding.
He wasn’t going to get in trouble.Notnow.
Sir was too kind to ruin an afternoon sobeautiful.
Sunlight beamed onto them from outside, soaking into their clothes. It absorbed into Gabriel’s hair, and he basked in it. He was vaguely aware that he was in his pajamas, and that he didn’t look sexy at all while wearing oversized black, white, and blue plaid, but as long as Sir didn’t mind, Gabriel didn’t care. He rested his head against the crook of Sir’s neck, right where it met his shoulder, and looked out at the fallforest.
“I want you tobemine.”
The words came out of nowhere, and they turned Gabriel’s cheeks as crimson as the leaves he watched outside. He remained motionless, still not convinced that Sir was talkingtohim.
For a while there was silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Gabriel remained pressed against Sir’s chest, the scent of a crisp autumn day combining with the alluring scent of Sir’s alpha. If there’d been a time Gabriel had smelled something so nice, he couldn’t recall it. The scent teased out the tension from his shoulders and released him from his inhibitions. Even if it was just for a little while, Gabriel felt like one of the leaves on the horizon, spiraling on its way to theground—free.
“I don’t want you to think of him anymore, Gabriel.” This time, there was no doubt that Sir was speaking to him. Gabriel opened his eyes to glance up at Sir. He was watching the forest, his gaze distant, but his energy present and modestly joyful. It was the quiet kind of happiness that made men glow—the kind that Gabriel wasn’t really sure he understood. “You deserve betterthanhim.”
“I don’t deserve anything,” Gabriel whispered. He said the words peacefully, because they were the words he’d been taught. His familiarity with them allowed them to come like he’d been born saying them, and he said them without a second thought. “Garrison is good for me. He loves me, and Ilovehim.”
“You know that’salie.”
Gabriel frowned and nestled closer to Sir. He knew that he shouldn’t be entertaining dangerous ideas like those, but when they came from someone like Sir, who’d been so nice to him, and whose strength was quiet and unassuming, it was tempting toforget.
“If he loved you, none of what happened would have happened. He wouldn’t have made you give yourself away to others. He would have been too jealous to let anyone touch youatall.”
“That’s not true,” Gabriel murmured. A cloud passed by overhead, and for a moment, the sunlight disappeared. A chill ran down Gabriel’s spine in absence of the light, and he closed his eyes as he waited for the darkness to pass. “There’s a difference between my job and my relationship. Garrison is my boss, but he’s also my lover. We’re going to get married, and he’s going to give me a family. Hepromised.”
“How many years ago did hepromisethat?”
The answer was five, all the way back when Gabriel was sixteen, but he didn’t want to confess that to Sir. It was shameful. He’d been unofficially engaged to Garrison for five years, but they’d never once discussed anything to do with the wedding—even something as simple as the date they wanted to getmarriedon.
“He’s leading you on,” Sir murmured. He kissed the top of Gabriel’s head, and a shiver ran down Gabriel’s spine. This time it wasn’t from the cold—it was from excitement. “You’re better than that. You’re worth more than a crusty old man who promises one thing, then delivers another. He’s never going to marry you, Gabriel. He’s never going to give you the things in life that you want. ButIcan.”
Tears formed behind Gabriel’s eyes, but he willed them away. Crying in front of Sir would be disrespectful, especially if they were tears shed overanotherman.
The truth was, Gabriel had struggled with those thoughts before. On the hard days, alone in his room, he’d cried himself to sleep thinking that Garrison would never make good on his promise. In the morning, cried out and emotionally depleted, those thoughts receded into the dark corner they came from, but they never fully left. They lurked in the shadows, waiting for him to lapse in judgment again so they could claw their way through his subconscious and tear him toshreds.
Gabriel knew that until Garrison’s devotion was his, and his alone, that he would never consent to marrying one of his boys, but how did Sir know that? It made Gabriel think that Sir was already inside his head, looking in on all of hissecrets.
“I want you to be mine, Gabriel,” Sir said again. “I can take care of you the way you need to be taken care of, and I can keep you safe. I wouldnevergive youtohim.”
“To him?” The sunlight returned, and Gabriel craned his neck to take advantage of it. His nose found the crook of Sir’s neck. Every breath was full ofhimnow.
“To the man without a name.” Sir’s hand traced along his arm, steady and predictable. “I would never give you to him, and I will never let himgetyou.”
