And maybe, if the stars aligned in his favor, it wouldn’t only be a baby shaping his life for the better. Adrian, whose words bit like no one else’s, had been on Sterling’s mind since they’d last parted ways. Sterling knew it was insanity to believe that there could be anything between them, but maybe,someday…
No matter what happened, two things were startlingly clear to Sterling. The first was that he was keeping the baby no matter what happened, or what anyonethought.
Thesecond?
The second was that he would do everything in his power to win Adrian over. Clarissa had been right, even though he hadn’t believed it at the time. He needed something more from life, and that something was perched on the arm of the couch before him, uncomfortable anddistant.
He would make things right. He would make things right for allofthem.
Sterling would not allow himself to be depletedanymore.
13
Adrian
“…I’mpregnant, and you’re thefather.”
There was no stopping the confession now that he’d started it. Saliva pooled in Adrian’s mouth, and he swallowed it awkwardly before he continued. “If you want the baby, it’s yours. If you don’t, I’m terminating the pregnancy. I don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t wantit.I—”
Sterling stepped forward, and Adrian flinched. The speed with which Sterling moved and the direct path he took made Adrian think Sterling was going to hit him—like he was mad that Adrian had made a stupid mistake and done this to him. But the impact Adrian braced himself for never came. Instead, Sterling swept him up in his arms and pulled him from the arm of the couch. His warm, damp skin radiated heat that soaked through Adrian’s clothes, and his arms held Adrian firmly as if to shelter him from theworld.
As if, for that one, small moment, Adrian had nothingtofear.
“I can’t keep it,” Adrian whispered. His fingers curled against Sterling’s chest. “I can’t be a father. Everything about my life is toxic. I’m a bad person,Sterling.I’m—”
“No, you’re not.” Sterling pulled back, and he fixed Adrian with a hard stare that broke through the chaotic panic in Adrian’s head. For the first time since he’d arrived at the penthouse, Adrian met Sterling’s eyes. There was no anger there, no malice, and no spite. A spark burned there instead, too hopeful to benegative.
Sterling was excited forthenews.
Hewantedto be afather.
“You’re not a bad person—you’re a victim of bad circumstances.” Sterling wrapped a hand around the back of Adrian’s head, and Adrian couldn’t help the way his eyelids fluttered. He pushed back against Sterling’s hand, wanting more. After a long month spent caring for Gabriel every waking moment of the day, it felt good to be cared for. “The choices you make aren’t always in your best interest, but that doesn’t mean that you’re innately bad.You’renot.”
“It doesn’t feelthatway.”
“And it’s not going to feel that way if you keep clinging to your negative self-image.” Sterling’s fingers, thick and strong, worked in slow circles against Adrian’s scalp. Adrian’s knees almost gave out. He melted intoSterling’sarms.
It had to be the pregnancy hormones. It wasn’t as though helikedSterling.
“I just…” Adrian gathered himself enough that he remembered the purpose of his visit. “I just need to know if you want the baby, or if Ishould—ahh…”
Sterling’s fingers found a place near the nape of his neck that felt so good, Adrian had to close his eyes. He slumped against Sterling’s chest, weakened, and allowed Sterling to takecontrol.
“Do you trust me?” Sterling asked. His voice registered at barely more than a whisper, but it was full in Adrian’s ear. The affection in it rounded his words, and deep, underlying strength gave that roundnessstructure.
Adrian knew the answer as soon as Sterling asked it, and he didn’t hesitate toreply. “Yes.”
“Then let me take care of you.” Sterling guided Adrian’s head back, and Adrian followed his lead helplessly. He couldn’t even find the strength to open his eyes. Hours ago he’d been so worked up about the pregnancy that he couldn’t sit still, but now? Now that Sterling had him, his worries didn’t matter so muchanymore.
There was freedom in the disconnect between his body and his mind—a type of freedom Adrian had never known before. Since Gabriel had disappeared, he’d tried to drown his guilt by lashing out. A hardened exterior meant that nothing could get to him, good or bad. Total dominion and selfishness in the bedroom allowed him to work out his frustrations and take what he thought heneeded.
But in Sterling’s arms, lost in infinity, Adrian came to the realization that all this time, he’d been searching for the wrong thing. What he needed wasn’t a way to manifest his guilt and pain—it was to have that guilt stripped from his soul, cast aside until he was freeofit.
The first gentle touch of Sterling’s lips teased a whimper from Adrian’s throat. The second curled his toes and brought his arms to tighten around Sterling’s neck. The third saw them both falling onto the couch together, Sterling beneath him to break his fall. Adrian barely noticed the descent until his knees metleather.
By the fourth kiss, Adrian knew that he wasn’t going to be leaving Sterling’s penthouseanytimesoon.
Sterling’s tongue invaded his mouth. Adrian whimpered and pushed his tongue against it, eager for more. He was frightened, and pregnant, and disappointed in himself, but despite it all, Sterling stillwantedhim.
