There was a shadow in the alley, vaguely human-shaped. Lucian stepped toward it, the gravity of what he was about to say weighinghimdown.
“I didn’t think you’d come,” Marcus admitted. He stepped forward, but even as the shadows shifted, Lucian couldn’t bring himself to look at the man he needed to cast aside. “We need to talk. I need to tell you that I’msorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Lucian said. His voice was hollow, like his syllables were shells that bore sound, but no meaning. “We have to stop seeing eachother.”
Lucian expected a fight—Marcus was powerful, older, and better versed in relationships than Lucian could claim to be—but Marcus said nothing. Lucian wished he could see his face in more detail, but the night stole his finer features and masked his expression. There wasnothing.
Nothing.
It bothered Lucian more than a fightwould.
Anger meant passion, and passions could be swayed, but apathy? Apathy was a stone rubbed smooth by water over time, or a cliff ledge with no footholds. It made Lucian think that there was no saving what he was abouttolose.
He couldn’t stay, not when every sweet word Marcus had whispered to him was turned on its head by Marcus’ refusal to fight. Maybe Adrian had saved him from heartbreak. If Marcus wouldn’t fight for him now, there was no way they would have lasted as acouple.
“I need to go.” Lucian took a step back, his eyes still on Marcus, but no matter how far back he went, a part of his heart remained in that alley. It stayed with Marcus. “I’m sorry. Ireallyam.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything.” The thunder in Marcus’ voice was gone. All that was left of it was woeful drizzle. “I’m the one who did this. I’m the one who should haveknown.”
Had Adrian spoken to Marcus, too? Lucian wouldn’t put itpasthim.
“I don’t blame you for the choice you’re making. I only wish you’d give me a chance to prove I can be better than this—to show you that I can do rightbyyou.”
“What?” Lucian hesitated. That line of thinking didn’t fit with Adrian’s earlier threat. “I don’tunderstand.”
“You’re hurt.” Marcus stepped out of the shadows. They stood beneath the moonlight, exposed to anyone who chose to look. “I didn’t know it, but I should have seen it earlier. I should have known that something was wrong by the look in your eyes and the way you moved your body, but I was too willful to listen to thesigns.”
There was something else going on here, but Lucian couldn’t piece together what it was. He frowned. “The signs? Marcus, what are you talkingabout?”
“I’m talking about GarrisonBaylor.”
It was a name Lucian had never expected to come from Marcus’ lips—a name he’d hoped to hide from Marcusforever.
Marcus shook his head. “I found out about what happened to you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for pushing like I did. I’m sorry for dragging you into my world when the last thing you needed was for another alpha to own you so completely. If I’d known, I never would have done the things I did. I would have been sensitive to your needs. I’m sorry, Lucian. I failed you, and I blame no one butmyself.”
Lucian had nothing to say. He stood where he was, heart throbbing in slow, heavy beats that madehimache.
“I thought you’d been with an inexperienced, selfish Dom, and that was why you were acting the way you did.” The regret in Marcus’ eyes was visible despite the low light. It burned Lucian all the way through. “I thought I could prove to you that not all Doms are selfish. I told myself that with guidance and a proper education, you’d grow into a terrific sub. I didn’t know what you’d been through, and I’m sorry for making thingsworse.”
Lucian threaded his arms together, tucking them against his chest. The heartbreak of the situation with Adrian was fortified by Marcus’ confession, and it left him even more hollow than before. It wasn’t fair that all of this was happening at once. The rest of his life, Marcus would think that he’d walked away because he’d been hurt, but that was far from the truth. Lucian wanted to be with Marcus, but he also had to care for his own future. Now that he had one, he didn’t want to letitgo.
“You didn’t make things worse.” Lucian tightened his arms, looking for comfort in his own touch. The night felt cold despite the season. “The way you’ve touched me and treated me over the last several weeks has helped me reclaim who I am—who I wassupposedtobe.”
The year of intensive therapy he’d received at Stonecrest roared to the forefront of Lucian’s mind as he processed everything he’d been through with Marcus. Counselor Ellis had showed him that he’d been masking his pain and insecurities through humor. For years, Lucian had suppressed the despair he felt until it had hardened inside him and molded into a mask. He’d been able to put up with his treatment because that artificial facet of his personality had saved him. The sex-craved, cock-starved Lucian that had entered Stonecrest wasn’t the same man who worked at The Shepherd, nor was he the man Marcus had taken hometobed.
That mask had been chipped away, but what remained of it had been dismantled by Marcus, cast aside to be forgotten. The initial fear that he was falling into the same trap that he had with Baylor had passed—Marcus wasn’t looking to lock him away and use him selfishly. Marcus demanded respect and laid down rules that were not to be broken, but those rules were for Lucian’s benefit, and Marcus returned the respect he receivedexponentially.
“Then why do you want to leave?” Marcus asked. “Tell me what I can do to fix this, and I will. I will doanything. You have no idea how much you mean to me, Lucian. You have no idea how you’vechangedme.”
Lucian wanted to shake his head, but he held off, paralyzed by the moment. When he spoke, his tongue tripped over the words. “I don’t want toleave.”
“Then why are we standing here?” Marcus asked. He gritted his jaw, shadows catching on the angles of his face. “Why did you tell me that we have to stop seeing each other? Iwillfight for you, Lucian. I turned down a seven-figure deal because I couldn’t bring myself to defend the man who’d hurt you. Whatever it is, whatever the cost, or whatever the personal expense, Iwillsee itthrough.”
He’d turned down a million dollars for Lucian’s benefit? Lucian lifted his gaze, processing the thought. A million dollars was more than he could dream of owning, but Marcus had brushed it off like sparechange.
And he’d done it out ofprinciple.
No longer did the idea of leaving Marcus behind feel like the better option. Lucian rubbed at his arms, torn. He didn’t want to have Marcus expelled from the club, but what did it matter if Marcus wasn’t interested in seeing anyone else? If what Marcus said was heartfelt, he might never have reason to come back to The Shepherdagain.
