So I nod. “Okay. I’ll come to Vegas with you.”
His smile is so full of relief, I instantly feel guilty for not agreeing immediately. “Thank you. I’ll call Penny now and let her know about the change of plans. She’s been texting me every day, asking about you, so she’ll be thrilled.”
I’m not sure she’ll be all that thrilled, but given how nice she was on the phone, I don’t think she’ll object. Especially not when Griff explains the situation.
I kiss his cheek, nudge Vivi fully onto his lap, and stand. “I’m going to get something to eat. Are you hungry? Want some pancakes?”
“Pancakes sound good. Give me two minutes, and I’ll come help.”
I try not to eavesdrop as I get out the things I’ll need to make pancakes, but the house isn’t that big, the kitchen is right next door to the living room, and Griff’s a big man with a big voice, even when he modulates it.
Lucky for me and my anxiety, from his side of the conversation, it sounds like Penny is genuinely happy to have me come along. I think she might even be teasing him, because at one point he says, “Smitten is a ridiculous word, but yes.”
Smittenisa ridiculous word, but I still love the idea that he’s smitten with me. I definitely am with him.
To distract myself, I go and find my phone and jump into the group chat.
Morning. Thanks for everything yesterday.
The notification that people are typing pops up immediately, so I bring the phone back to the kitchen with me.
Butch:
No thanks needed. Better today?
Jordan:
Morning! Do you need anything?
Better today. Still not 100%. I’m all set for now – Griff’s taking good care of me. We’re going to have a quiet one today, since tomorrow is going to be hectic.
Calla:
Good idea. If you need to stay home tomorrow, do it.
…you know you’re not my boss, right? ;-)
That gets a whole lot of laugh reactions, which loosens some of my stress. One part of anxiety that nobody tells you about is how knowing that people love and support you can make you more anxious. Iknowmy friends care about me and worry, and knowing I’ve made them worry makes me more anxious. It sometimes makes me not want to tell them when things aren’t great. I usually can’t hide it that well, what with the whole nonverbal thing, but when I can… I do. Because it’s easier to soldier on by myself than it is to have them worrying about me and checking in.
It's actually a lot better now, since I pushed through my anxiety a few years ago and told them that continually being asked how I’m feeling and needing to communicate a reply makes me more anxious. Now they wait a reasonable amount of time for me to check in first after a meltdown, make sure to use the group chat so I only have to answer once, and let me control what I want to tell them instead of asking specific questions about how I’m feeling.
Xera:
Wait, Calla’s not the boss of all of us? I thought that was the group rule!
A chuckle escapes me, and then I take a breath and make my announcement.
Change of plans for Christmas Day. Griff is going to Vegas to spend it with his family, so I’m going with. He was going to cancel and I couldn’t let him.
For long seconds, the chat is dead quiet. No reactions. Nobody typing.
Then…
Harold:
Griff and Phil, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Blaise:
