“Faster than asking you to fly across the country to meet his parents?” Jordan asks.
“Minnesota is hardly across the country.”
“You hear yourself talking, right?” he teases. “You flew to meet his family. You helped him buy a house that he asked you to renovate. You’ve been at his side for the entire adoption process. And he has been the one asking for you to do all of that. There is no way that man isn’t into you. He might not have said the words, but the actions are speaking very loudly.”
The horn sounds, drawing our attention back down to the game as the starting line takes the ice for the second period.
“But what if we’re wrong? Or what if there’s a tiny chance of that possibly being true, but I manage to fuck it all up because I rush him?” I ask Jordan.
“I really doubt that’s possible… but I do understand your concerns. Maybe give it a little more time, follow his lead. But also trust your gut. You know him way better than any of us do. I hope it works out for you though. He’s a great guy, and you deserve a great one.”
“Thanks.” I can feel my cheeks heating as I focus my attentionon the ice, watching as Joshua Martin gains possession and successfully crosses the blue line. Hudson and Oliver race after him. Oliver is faster, going straight toward the goal, while Hudson effortlessly accepts a pass from Joshua who hadn’t even looked his way.
God, losing Hudson really is going to be a blow for the team. I know I’m going to miss watching him play, but hopefully I’ll still get off-ice time to see him. Oliver and Joshua are going to have a really hard time replacing him on their line though.
Hudson is able to avoid New Jersey’s defenseman, passing to Oliver at the last second. He fakes out the goalie, getting him to shift right, the wrong direction, and manages to send the puck in on his left side.
No one would think it’s a chill weekday game with how loud the Caldwell Center is after the horn sounds and the goal music starts playing. My friends and I are all right there with the rest of the fans, on our feet, shouting the goal song.
I really am so lucky to have ended up where I’m at. I love my job and the team I work for. I’m surrounded by a great group of friends who feel more like family. I know that I’m where I’m meant to be, living my best life.
And if that life eventually involves Hudson as my person, then I’ll be thrilled. But I doubt it could even be a possibility, so if it doesn’t, and I was only the side character in his story who encouraged him to adopt, well, that’s still really fucking cool.
As much as I pride myself in being a person who takes action and goes for what I want, as much as I hate waiting around, my gut is telling me that it’s what I need to do. I can’t pressure him into anything. And with our roommate arrangement right now, I don’t think I could even trust that he wanted anything long term. I’ve seen the romcoms, I know a forced proximity situation for what it is. Maybe my friends are right and living with a gay man has led to Hudson questioning things about himself. But whilewe’re living together, if he actually did make a move physically, I don’t think I would be able to trust that I was anything more than an experiment.
Maybe the wait will be worth it. Maybe I should focus more on the journey I’m already on and the time I get to share with Hudson now instead of wondering how our story will end. If it could ever even be our story at all. I wouldn’t have dreamed of our current friendship a year ago, though, and I’m so grateful for it.
I’m happy, and I’m going to continue to choose to focus on the good things, to be happy whenever I can.
Does that mean I’m suddenly not desperate for him? No. Does that mean my heart doesn’t stop every time he’s thrown into the boards? Absolutely not.
But I’m not willing to risk what we do have for the slim possibility of more. So I’m not going to make any major changes any time soon.
25
HUDSON
March
I’ve just finished changing after our morning skate when my phone rings from its place still inside of my locker. We’ve officially secured our spot in the playoffs this year, so the mood in the locker room is a little more relaxed and happy than it’s been at other times during the season.
Still, my anxiety spikes when the ringtone sounds, because who the hell is calling me? My mom and Adrian always text first… unless something is wrong…
“Hello?” I quickly answer without even glancing at the caller ID.
“Good afternoon, can I confirm who I’m speaking with?” a woman asks, using a very pleasant tone.
“Hudson Roy,” I respond, still a bit concerned.
“Hello, Hudson, this is Holly from the adoption agency. I know we haven’t spoken in a few months, but I’m very happy to inform you that a local expectant mother has requested a meeting with you!”
“Oh my god! Already?” I practically shout into the phone,earning questioning looks from my teammates that are still here. My giant smile must prevent any of them from actually saying anything though.
Holly chuckles. “Yes. It’s certainly not a guarantee of anything, though. Many people meet with multiple prospective parents to see who they think will be the best fit before they actually match for the adoption.”
“That makes sense. I understand,” I assure her, but her warning doesn’t dim my mood.
“She would like to schedule a meeting as soon as possible. I know your current schedule might be busier than most. Do you have any availability this week?”
