I nod eagerly. “Yes, and I would be open to discussing any level of adoption with the birth family: closed, semi-open, open. Whatever we all think would make the most sense for the specific circumstance.” She writes something down on her paper.
I turn to Adrian while I wait for her next question, and he gives me a reassuring smile. I am so grateful to have him here. From the looks of his phone, he’s taking diligent notes, and knowing that we can talk about this later when I’m sure I’ll be worried I said something wrong, makes me feel so much better.
“Alright, the next step of the process will require you to complete at least ten hours of training. There are required classes on prenatal substance exposure, transracial adoption,relationships with birth parents, and talking to children about adoption. The remaining hours can be on any adoption related topic of your choosing. Child and infant CPR is required in addition to those hours. General parenting classes are encouraged, and we’ll provide info on where you can do all that.”
“Great,” I agree easily. That sounds like I’ll be moving on to the next step. My excitement rises, but I try to remind myself that nothing is official yet.
“After all the required education is completed, and the necessary documents are reviewed, the next step would be a home visit and safety inspection. There will be more interviews, as well as interviews of some of your references. It’s not an easy process, and everything takes time.”
“I understand.”
She puts down the papers to look at me, her expression more serious. “After all that is completed and approved, then you would move onto the matching stage. That can take months, even years in some cases. I know this is all very exciting now, but I want to be clear that this could be a very long process. Are you prepared for that?”
I take a moment to consider what she’s saying. A lot can change in a year. I know that firsthand. I feel like a completely different person than I did even six months ago, when I was married and hoping to get Shelby pregnant. Now I’m desperately hoping that the man sitting next to me might consider dating me, might eventually want to be the hypothetical kid I’m talking about adopting’s other parent.
But I like the person I am today. And everything about this process has felt right, as if I were exactly where I’m meant to be. So I answer easily.
“Yes. I know that it might take years, but I feel like I’m meant to do this. I’d like to think it’ll take however long it needs to, andI’ll end up being the parent of whatever child is meant to be in my life.”
Adrian puts his hand on my knee, giving it a supportive squeeze that has my heart racing.Would he want to be a part of that, too?
But those thoughts can’t be my focus right now, so after a quick smile at him, I turn back to Holly. Her encouraging expression is still there. “Alright, Hudson, if you don’t have any other questions, I’ll be in touch soon.”
We all exchange goodbyes, and I manage to maintain my composure until Adrian and I are alone in the elevator. “Okay, am I too confident, or did that go really well? I don’t know why I thought it would be more of an interrogation, but I feel good about it.”
His grin lights up the small space. “It was perfect! I’m so glad they let me come in with you. I took notes on everything, and I already shared the document with you so you can refer to it if you have questions, but you did a great job. Everything came across as so genuine. I’m sure they’ll approve you.”
Before I even consider what I’m doing, I have my arms wrapped around Adrian, lifting him slightly off the ground with how enthusiastic my hug is. I know I should pull back… but I don’t want to. Today feels like one of those days that I’ll never forget, and I know it’s been so much better because he was at my side.
“Thanks for being here,” I murmur into the top of his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He hasn’t pulled away, sinking into my hold and resting his head against my chest, tucking it under mine as he squeezes just a little, hugging me back.He fits so perfectly against me.
“Of course, Hudson. Don’t worry about it. I’m not going anywhere.”
I really hope hemeans that.
This stolen moment where we’re all alone, holding each other, hidden away from the world in this elevator, almost feels frozen in time. It’s so easy to picture the future that we could have together, and his smaller frame surrounded by mine, his hard body pressed against me, feels way too good. I know I’m only seconds away from him noticing the physical reaction my dick is having to our contact, so I give him a final squeeze before I finally force myself to step back.
Adrian doesn’t need to find out I’m attracted to him because my erection grinds into him in an elevator. That’s creepy. It doesn’t exactly scream “I want to date you. Give me a chance, and I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
“So, should we go out to dinner tonight? Celebrate how well that went?” he suggests, completely unaware of where my thoughts have strayed. “Or do you need to eat at home?”
“Let’s go out. That’s a great idea.”
We end up at our favorite restaurant, dining in for once. I spend the entire meal reminding myself that it’s not a date, no matter how much it feels like one.
Maybe one day.
Maybe just a few more months.
Later, when I’m alone in my room, I decided tonight’s the night I should use the toys I ordered, no more hesitating. I wanted to kiss Adrian in that elevator.
I want to kiss him every time I see him.
I want to know what I’ll want to do with him if ever given the chance.
The toys were delivered in discreet packaging, and for some reason, that disappointed me. Probably the same reason I keep leaving my door open at night. I’d kind of hoped Adrian would see what I ordered and it would lead to more. That he would offer to help me use them, or ask why I’d want touse silicone when he has the real thing.
I’ve been doing a lot of research on bottoming. I don’t know what Adrian’s preference is, but I figure either way, it’s info I should know if I’m planning to have sex with another man. I’ve also learned that some couples don’t actually have anal sex, that not everyone enjoys it. I’m going to try not to put too much pressure on myself if it doesn’t end up being something I like, but I would like to find out.
