“Apparently, you’ve been teasing him about us being a couple because he’s living with me. I know I joke around with you guys, but that’s the kind of joke that could easily turn into a rumor that could really impact his career.” Oliver rolls his eyes. “I’m serious,you have to be so careful with what you’re implying around who. If the media overheard?—”
“Trust me, Adrian, I know.” He sighs, his tone far more serious than I was expecting.
There’s something in his expression, in how defeated he looks as he makes the comment that has me tilting my head and narrowing my eyes at him. Oliver has never given me any reason to suspect he might not be straight, but… “You know like you’re annoyed that I’m lecturing you and want me to shut up… or youknowlike you have personal experience filtering what you say in front of the media so that rumors don’t start?”
He smirks, mirroring my head tilt and squinting as he holds my gaze. “Would it really be a rumor if it’s true?”
“Shut up!” I slam my hand down on the table in my excitement, all my annoyance forgotten.Shit, I immediately wince. I should not be drawing attention to us right now. After a quick glance around to make sure no one is looking our way, I turn back to him. “Oliver, are you saying what I think you’re saying? I swear to god if you’re letting me get my hopes up right now, if you’re teasing me and it isn’t real…”
His smile only grows. “I’ve been advised by my agent to not say anything. So this is me not saying anything. But I’m getting pretty tired of that plan.”
I suck in a sharp breath, then I turn to Hudson and slap his chest. “Did you know about this?”
He lets out a short laugh. “Maybe.”
I turn back to Oliver. “Oh my god, please let me tell Beck. We’ve been dreaming about having an out player for yeeeears.”
He’s still smirking as he bites the corner of his thumbnail, considering while he looks between Hudson and me. “Yeah, okay,” he finally answers. “You can tell Mr.Caldwell. But I’m not going to tell anyone else without a plan in place to make things official.”
“Oh my god, let me help you plan! When you’re ready that is. I’m not trying to pressure you at all, that is a huge and very personal decision. But when you’re ready, say the word, and I’ll help the PR team organize the best press release you’ve ever seen.”
“And I’ll make sure the players support you, but I don’t see there being any issues,” Hudson adds.
Oliver’s smile is as big as I’ve ever seen it. “Cool, thank you.”
17
HUDSON
“Oh my god, and with how attractive you are, all the gay men in Chicago are going to lose it when you do announce,” Adrian says to Ollie, obviously still excited to find out that the Werewolves will have their first out player.
Might not be the only queer player,I think for the tenth time since they started this conversation. Ollie is young, but he already knows who he is and is confident in his sexuality. It’s been clear since he came out to me that he has no desire to remain in the closet for the entirety of his career.
His position is different than mine, I remind myself. I only have a few months left, and then I’ll be out of the spotlight. Then I might have the space to figure things out. I’m still not sure if my newfound infatuation could lead to something more, and I certainly don’t have the mental energy to dedicate to figuring everything out right now.
I’m in the middle of trying to purchase a home so I can apply to become an adoptive parent. That needs to be my focus.
I’m happy for Ollie that he ended up playing for a team that will obviously support him, and I’m happy for Adrian that he’llget to be a part of that significant moment for the team. Ishouldbe happy right now.
Even if I am feeling a little left out. I’m not sure if they even remember I’m here at this point with how intensely they’re staring at each other as they quietly chat about what time of the season might be the best to bring on that sort of press attention. But it’s hard for me to focus on anything other than how they’re smiling at each other. Adrian just pointed out how attractive he thinks Ollie is. Does he feel the same way about Adrian?
No. I’m being ridiculous. Ollie is the one who’s encouraged me to consider my real feelings for Adrian. He wouldn’t make a move himself. They’re just bonding over their mutual excitement. Ollie is probably thrilled that he came out to someone else and that it was met with so much enthusiastic support.
Still, these two should probably tone down the eye contact before I do something really stupid like pull Adrian onto my lap.
I’ve never had the urge to stake a claim like that on someone before. But between seeing him with Ollie right now, where someone could easily jump to conclusions about the two of them if they paid any attention to how into each other they look, and earlier with Anderson, overhearing their flirting and promised texting, I can’t sit here and pretend like I’m not annoyed.
And let’s be honest—annoyed isn’t the right word.
I’m jealous. I want Adrian to be paying that much attention to me. I want to be the one he’s leaning over the table to talk to, the one he can’t look away from. I want to be the one he’s making plans to go to bakeries with. I invited him tonight because I wanted to spend time with him, and now that’s backfired as I’m forced to sit here and pretend like everything is fine while he flirts with my friends.
I don’t think I’ve ever been a particularly jealous person before. But now that I’ve admitted to myself that Ihave complicated feelings for Adrian, I'm realizing my plan to not act on them might not have been as simple as I expected.
The thought of Adrian and Ollie sitting here laughing together, bonding, shouldn’t make me jealous. I should be happy for my friends that they have other friends, other support systems in place outside of me. Being jealous is just a waste of my time and energy.
Adrian has no idea I’ve had any thoughts about being with him, and even if he did, even if he might want to givemorewith me a chance, he’s not going to sit around and wait for me to figure out what it is I actually want.
He deserves better. Someone who has their shit together like he does, who’s confident in who they are, who can proudly claim him as their partner, who knows how lucky they are to be with him.
