“Thanks,” I manage to get out without sounding too breathless as I take another piece.
“Want any of mine, too?” he offers, holding out his bag of pistachios toward me.
“Gross.”
“You’re not allergic, are you?” he asks, dramatically pulling the bag away from me.
“No, you’re fine, I’m not allergic to anything. I just have no desire to eat something even vaguely healthy when there’s a much betterchocolateoption,” I explain, holding up my bowl.
“Right. How silly of me to even suggest it,” he teases. “So what are we watching?”
“Miss Congeniality,” I hesitantly answer, waiting to gauge his reaction.
“Cool, I’ve never seen it.” He settles in further, focusing on the screen.
Well, it’s a damn good thing I’ve already seen it, because howthe hell am I supposed to focus on anything when Hudson isthisclose to me?
Every time he shifts I want to cry, because our thighs brush against each other, and all I can think about is how I wish we were even closer, how I wish I could eliminate any and all space between us and maybe crawl right into his lap.
He’s so nice he probably wouldn’t even care.
But that would be weird. Right?
As the movie goes on, Hudson seems to sink further into the couch, and as great as the movie is, I’m honestly surprised he’s still awake after how hard he worked tonight.
“Would you rather lay down?” I whisper. We can finish this another time. He certainly doesn’t need to stay awake for my benefit when I could probably recite this whole movie from memory.
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Not at all,” I assure him, reaching for the remote, but instead of standing up to move to his bed, he shifts even lower to lay down on the couch. And he doesn’t just stretch out—Hudson puts his headon my thighlike a pillow.
That is so not at all what I was suggesting, and yet I’ve never been happier for a misunderstanding. Even if I have no idea why this straight man would assume I was offering to basically cuddle or why he would agree so quickly. I’m not going to question a good thing.
I was just wishing we could cuddle… Did I manifest this? I need to start a Hudson vision board or something.
The blanket means his face isn’t touching my bare leg, but it’s all too easy for my imagination to run wild right now, picturing a far less heterosexual Hudson moving the blanket out of the way, turning his head so his face was aimed at my crotch instead of the screen. The things he could be doing with his mouth in thatposition.
Deep breaths. Calm down. I do not need to make my erection any more obvious right now. Thank God he’s low enough on my leg that he doesn’t seem to have noticed.
On a slightly more innocent note, I want to reach out and run my hand through his hair, play with it while he watches the movie, but that would most certainly be crossing the line of friends and roommates.
Where that line is right now, I’m not entirely sure, but I know it still exists, and I’m doing my very best to not overstep, damn it.
I have no idea how long I sit here, staring at all the varying shades in his chocolate brown hair, wondering what it feels like before I realize that Hudson has fallen asleep.
What the fuck do I do now?
Obviously, I could wake him up…But I don’t want to. I don’t want to cut off this perfect moment.
Before Hudson moved in, I had a mostly innocent, but definitely harmless, crush on him. It was fine. I wasn’t obsessive and it didn’t prevent me from dating anyone else. But now? Hudson has spent every moment since he moved in proving to me that he isn’t just a good guy, he isn’t just exactly my type—he’s truly the perfect man. The gold standard, and no one else will ever compare. That little crush has evolved into something I no longer have any control over.
And now this perfect man is asleep in my lap, and my imagination decides to be even more cruel. Sexual fantasies are one thing, but now I’m picturing lazy nights at home,exactly like this one,because tonight was everything I’ve ever wanted to have with a partner. Hudson put me first, not because I asked him to, not because I did something to earn it, but because he genuinely wanted to spend time with me. We didn’t need to leave the house, he went out of his way to get me chocolate, and he even let me pick the movie.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more wanted in my life and it’s platonic.
If I were to wake him up right now so we could move into the same bed, even if all we did was sleep, then it would probably be one of the best nights of my life. It’s still up there as is.
But I can’t wake him up. Can’t shatter this illusion of what a night with Hudson as my partner would be like. Not yet.
