Am I less straight than I thought I was? Or am I just horny now that Shelby and I aren’t together? I have enough big changes happening in my life right now, why not throw in a sexual identity crisis too?
“Time for one more?” Adrian asks, interruptingmy internal monologuing as he glances my way, the remote in his hand aimed at the TV.
I need to stop thinking about blowjobs. It doesn’t matter what I would do or say in this hypothetical situation because Adrian wasn’t offering. And if no men are offering to blow me, then I don’t need to be having this debate with myself right now.
Probably a good one to come back to later though…
“Yeah, I have time,” I manage to answer. He starts the next episode and immediately locks in on the new couple, but my attention is still on him.
I wonder if he’s dating anyone… Adrianwouldbe an awesome partner. He keeps things pretty tidy just like I do, but he isn’t super picky about it in a way that makes me nervous to be in his space. He’s fun to hang out with and always checks in to make sure I’m enjoying what we’re doing. He’s so funny; I’ve always thought that. And he was so kind and supportive when I was explaining my feelings about the split. I didn’t feel judged at all. He listened and really wanted to help.
Adrian would kind of make the ideal partner.
I wonder ifhewants kids.
Okay, now I’m definitely overstepping normal friendship boundaries.
And I’m still not convinced that being able to picture getting a blowjob from a guy means I’m suddenly not straight. So jumping to relationship thoughts is definitely out of the question. Adrian wouldn’t want that from me anyway. He’s just being a good friend, helping me hide away from media attention, and letting me stay with him. He would probably be uncomfortable to find out I’ve been thinking any of this. Just because he’s attracted to guys and he flirts with me, it doesn’t mean he’d actually be interested in me anyway. What a horribly conceited assumption for me to make. Not all gay men are into their straight friends.
I wonder where I could find someone who shares those qualitiesthough. Like a female version of Adrian, maybe. Okay, now I’m literally just picturing him with longer hair, what is wrong with me? Adrianisobjectively attractive though. Like, he’s just pretty, there’s no other word for it. His blond hair and bright blue eyes, the way his confidence shines though and draws people in. He’s certainly prettier than most of the women I know. And I’ve always had a thing for blonds.
Wow, I must be hornier than I realized if I’m this focused on dating and wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone exactly like Adrian.
Maybe what I should be focusing on is that this all means I’m ready to move on from Shelby. Should I try dating again? How do people even find someone they want to date these days?
“Are dating apps still a thing?” I ask.
Adrian tilts his head to the side and raises a brow as he stares at me before hesitantly answering. “Yes. Why?”
“I was just thinking that maybe I should try dating again.”
Adrian pauses the show to give me his full attention. “Like, you want to hook up with someone, or, like,datingdating?”
His question doesn’t sound judgmental, and I take a second to really think about it before I answer, glad I have something other than oral to focus on as my dick calms down. “Well, I definitely miss that part of being in a relationship, but it’s not the most important thing to me. I still want that future I was telling you about. And I’m not going to end up happily married with kids if I don’t put myself out there again.”
He nods. “Okay, got it. So you want a real dating app with common interests and life goals and stuff. Not just pictures of abs and late night ‘wyd?’ messages.”
I cringe a bit at the thought of sending a text like that. “Yeah, that’s not my thing,” I confirm. “I’ve always preferred to be in a committed relationship over casual hookups. I don’t judge the people who do though. It just didn’t take long for meto realize I wanted the real deal, the overnights and cuddles and knowing their coffee preferences, not just an easy orgasm.”
“That’s fine, those types of dating apps exist too,” he assures me.
“What about you?” I ask, too curious at this point not to. I’ve been dying for Adrian to open up more on his own terms, but maybe I need to be more direct about wanting to know more.
“What about me?”
“Well, are you seeing anyone? Or are you on any of the apps? Are you more of a late-night booty call kind of guy, or do you prefer a long-term thing?”
“Now who’s nosey,” he teases, looking a little surprised by my questions. I smile apologetically, but I’m also glad when he actually answers. “I’m not seeing anyone, and I have dating profiles on a lot of different apps. I would love to be in a relationship, but I’ve found my standards for the men who seem to be interested in me are much higher than I’ve had luck with, so here I am.” He shrugs.
“Good, I’m glad you’re not settling. You deserve someone as amazing as you are.”
His cheeks darken before he responds. “So do you.”
“Well, do you think you could help me figure out what apps to try? Maybe help me set up my profile?” I flash him my biggest smile, pleading with my eyes for his help. The thought of attempting that on my own is overwhelming. But having Adrian help me actually sounds kind of fun.
He hesitates, side-eyeing me before he finally lets out a big sigh. “Fiiine. But not tonight. You need to sleep before your flight tomorrow, and I’m invested in this episode now.”
I laugh as he resumes the show. “Thanks, Charming. I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.”
