He pulls me closer, his scent calming me. “Shh… I know, my beautiful Danika. I know.”
“The first time he… the first time he raped me… it was as if my soul was floating above my body. Watching in horror. But not being able to do a damn thing bout it. And by the third, fourth, even fifth time, I learned to block it out. Switch into this mode where I’d let myself become numb because the more I fought him, the longer and rougher he’d be.”
My tears land on Liem’s chest and he sucks in a tense breath, trying to mask the fury he’s feeling because I’ve done the same so many times.
“If I’d had found him, I would have killed him.”
I reach up to touch his face. “I know. And that’s why I have to tell you this, too.”
Hush
She soothes me with her warm touch, when it’s me who should be the one comforting her. Hearing what she went through makes me want to carve out his fucking heart.
For her.
For her pain.
For her suffering.
It’s all enough to reawaken the once loud voice inside me. When she’s around it’s silent. Her presence wards off the bad and I’m a selfish bastard for wanting more of it. Peace is a foreign feeling but it’s a sustenance my body now desires.
She rubs circles around the butterfly inked on my hand, and I wait for whatever it is she’s about to tell me. My heart doesn’t race, my breathing doesn’t falter because whatever it is, I don’t care. I know where I want to be and that’s with her.
“You said your previous relationship… her name was Gracie?” She winces.
At the mention of her name, my heart stutters.Shit.“Yes. Her name was Gracie.” I didn’t mean for it to come out sounding like a sad song, but Danika notices and she moves away into a sitting position, the bed sheet dropping to her lap, exposing her perfectly round breasts.
She doesn’t go to hide them from me, and it’s like a knife to the heart because I don’t deserve such trust.
As her hair falls over her shoulder, she bites down on her bottom lip. “My parents died when I was twenty-one.” She stops, not daring to look at me.
Why isn’t she looking at me?
In my now sitting position, I reach for her chin, lifting it gently. “You can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me all of it.”
Her eyes flash with worry. An unsettling concern. “I should have told you sooner, but I wasn’t sure if it was even real. I mean, how could it be real?” The strain in her voice carries and I stare with the same strain.
“Danika—”
“I lied to you.”
I tilt my head, studying her with confusion. My pulse quickening.
“I saw the photo in your room that day. When you asked if I’d touched any of your things, I said no. And I lied.”
I swallow harshly. “I don’t understand—”
“I knew Gracie.”
Time stops.
The world stops.
And I’m left frozen.
“I grew up in Oregon. That’s where you’re from, right? Where you and Gracie met?”
I don’t understand. I don’t fucking understand. I’m not able to focus on anything else except the guilt in her words. My breathing picks up as I run my fingers through my hair.
