Silence strangles the air around us.
Chain nods. “You’re smart, son. But this can’t happen again.”
“I get you.” But I don’t promise because I can’t promise something I’m unsure of. I don’t want to risk my brothers or the club if I become unhinged again, but I don’t have an answer for my President. Can’t offer him anything and that, unfortunately, fuels the godforsaken voice.
Danika
The guys were filing inside the room upstairs as I snuck out this morning. The big table in the center of the room was clear that’s where they held their club meetings.
I slept better than I had in months. Liem’s sheets wrapped around me like a safety net and for a crazy thought, I pretended it was him lying there, capturing me inside his embrace. And that alone kept my demons at bay. Every time I closed my eyes, I swear I could feel him. For him trusting me with his personal space meant a lot.
Before I start my session, my phone vibrates, and I answer Tequila’s call. I don’t want to be rude and dodge her after she’s been so nice.
“Hey! I tried calling you last night. Everything okay?”
I juggle the phone between my ear and shoulder. “Sorry. It’s a wild story but I ended up having to stay with L—Hush in his room at the clubhouse,” I quickly correct myself.
“Wait. Back up. You did what?” Tequila’s tone is one of being shocked but also there’s no denying the secret hint of enthusiasm behind it.
“Of course he didn’t actually stay in the room with me.”
There’s commotion, Maggie’s voice filling the background and dishes clinking together. The sound of breakfast being prepped.
“That explains why he slept on the pullout couch.”
My stomach drops. “He did?” I assumed he went to the cabin.
“Yeah. I saw him earlier this morning. But I’ll be honest, I don’t think he did much sleeping.”
There I was getting the best night’s sleep I’ve had in so long, and he was struggling. I wonder why? Guilt now teases me with a grin.
“My roommate might have temporarily kicked me out.”
“What the hell. How can she just kick you out?”
I wince. “Hush may have punched her boyfriend in the face for making me uncomfortable and then stuck his head under the faucet.”
There’s silence on the other end, but then Tequila starts giggling followed by a burst of laughter which makes me chuckle. The situation wasn’t funny last night but now, maybe a little.
“I don’t mean to laugh, because fuck men and their delusions in thinking they can do whatever they want, but I am really glad Hush decked his lights out.”
I smile. “Me too. He’s… a good friend.”
A small squeal hits my ear, and I have to hold the phone away.
“I’m so glad he’s got someone like you to lean on.” A quick pause as she tells Maggie something. “I gotta go help Mag cut tomatoes. Will you be at breakfast later?”
I think about it and my stomach twists in hunger. “Um, yeah, that sounds good.”
“Awesome. See ya later.” She hangs up and I’m left speechless. Being welcomed in their place is starting to feel more like home than I’ve predicted. But still, something feels off and I can’t put my finger on it. I love being sprinkled with the warmth everyone is showing me. A part of me still feels like I don’t permanently belong.
WheredoI belong?
I toss my water to the side and then turn on my peace and serenity playlist. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to it. There hasn’t been a day when I felt calm or peaceful enough to play it and really let the music soak through my skin down to my bones but today feels like the day.
An angry shot of electricity hits me now and again, but it’s different. Yes, I’m pissed at my roommate's boyfriend. Pissed at my fucked-up boss for putting his hands on me. Enraged that a man used me for days at a time at his leisure without my consent.
Men putting their hands on me needs to stop. And I’ll be damned if I let it happen again. Sure, sometimes I won’t be able to overpower them, but at least I’ll have the confidence to speak up like I would have before everything.
