But I’m already backing away, away from Bullet, and away from Sergio’s lifeless brutalized body. I only pause when my boot collides with Gracie’s photo, and I pick it up. The still of my body turns to a painful numbness when I stare into her eyes, the same ones I miss so much, yearning to be able to see them in person again.
Her picture stained with blood from my fingers.
Screams echo off the walls as I race through the same area I pulled Sergio from. I can only guess what I look like. I’d scream too.
I burst through the front door with a stumble not having a clue where to go. I just run, letting the freezing wind carry me forward.
Numb. That was all I was. The only word I could use to describe how I felt in this given moment. No one else existed. Only Gracie and me.
Her hand rested in mine, and I gave a gentle squeeze as the specialist stared back at us. Her face filled with a painful sorrow.
Gracie had gone still, pale faced next to me as her expression held a blankness or numbness. The same numbness I felt. But her pain was worse.
With my voice broken I asked, “What does that mean exactly? For…” I couldn’t say it— couldn’t get the words out.
The oncologist, Dr. Silvia, let out a heavy sympathetic sigh. “Stage four ovarian cancer is extremely aggressive. According to your scans, Gracie, it has unfortunately spread to many of your lymph nodes and liver.”
“What happens first?” Gracie’s voice quivered, and it shattered my heart for the second time.
“Most likely surgery then chemotherapy.”
Gracie touched the long strands of her hair that hung off her shoulder. I gave her hand another gentle squeeze letting her know I’m here. I’m always here even though all I wanted to do was break down, but I couldn’t, I had to be strong for her.
“I’ll lose my hair.” Her voice shook, and it nearly sent me over the edge.
“Yes.” Dr. Silvia gave her a quick smile.
Gracie’s lashes lined the tops of her cheeks as she stared at the invisible lint on her leggings. “And…” Her throat bobbed with a harsh swallow. “How long do I have? I’m a nurse. I know what stage four means.”
“With treatment, you’re looking at a couple of years.”
My eyes stung. My insides shattered. But I had to hold it together. For her. “She could beat this right? There is a chance?”
Gracie’s hand fell from mine.
“There is a small chance of survival. However, with her case and the aggression, it’s an extremely small chance.” Dr. Silvia glanced over at Gracie, but there was zero hope in her eyes.
No. No.
I couldn’t lose her. I wouldn’t.
It’d be too much. I won’t survive without her.
The walk out was excruciating. It was earth shattering, and I didn’t even want to think how Gracie was feeling. There’d be no world without her in it, and I simply couldn’t survive her not being here.
I only let go of Gracie’s hand to turn on the truck; the vibration rumbled under our seats. “I—”
“Five.”
“What?” I turned to look at Gracie and my stomach dropped. Her tears had already dampened her shirt.
“You had asked me how many kids I wanted before, and my answer is five. I want five kids.”
My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. “That’s a lot of kids.” But I would give them to her, give her anything she asked for.
I balled my hands into fists to stop myself from shedding my own tears.
“Yeah, well. I don’t think that’s happening now.” Her shoulders shook, finally letting it all out.
