His concern for me at the carnival.
It all mixed together. The fierce pleasure. The feverish need. His tender care.
Then his mouth was on me, and all thoughts were obliterated. I grasped the blanket with both hands. My body had a mind of its own as it pushed against him.
Even though I was flooded with every kind of pleasure, I still felt like I was reaching for something, straining toward some unknown place I’d never been.
Then it happened. Something inside me clenched, then tightened. I felt as though I was spiraling on the inside. I drew in a breath that was deeper than I had ever breathed before.
I hovered, suspended in this strange inky blackness, the insides of me tight. Then everything let go at once.
I heard my voice saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” mixed in with Tucker’s name and strange unintelligible sounds.
But that was vague and in the distance. My body didn’t feel like a body. It rippled like I imagined waves would on an ocean. Pulse after pulse after pulse, radiating out,starting from within me and seeking the width and breadth of the universe.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t feel my body. I was all waves, signaling out like a radio, as if I was communing with the night sky.
Then gradually, it dissipated, like the glitter bomb Nadia set off once at the diner by accident. For a second, it had caught in the air drafts from the ceiling fans, then slowly it rained down until it littered the floor. And oh, how Big Harry had shouted at her.
I lay therefeelingrather thanseeingthe sparkles fall and land around me on the bed. Tucker hovered over me, watching my face. “You all right?” he asked.
I didn’t have speech yet. I nodded. I reached out to squeeze his arm.
He lay beside me for a moment, and I realized he was still fully dressed while I was completely naked. This struck me as hilarious, and my voice returned and I laughed.
Tucker grinned at me. “This is funny?”
“Did that part happen before? How could I have forgotten?”
He shook his head. “We didn’t get a lot of opportunity to be this alone with so much time.”
“So, you think it’s my first?”
“Seems probable.”
“I think I would’ve left a note about this.” I rested the back of my hand on my forehead. “Of course, if there was a note about this, Mother would’ve taken it for sure.”
“She can’t get you here.” Tucker ran the back of his hand along my arm.
I reached out to brush his hair off his forehead. “Can we do the rest? With you involved this time?”
He chuckled. “I think I was pretty involved there.”
“I mean with your other body parts.”
He rolled off the bed, shucking his clothes.
I watched him, seeing all of him for the first time.
He was lean, but not skinny. And while he wasn’t tricked out like the male models who did TikTok dances or the ones who starred in movies, his muscles were wiry and strong. His arms were defined, his chest wide and tight.
I hadn’t watched porn even though I knew it existed, so when the rest of him came out, I sat up. “So that’s it!”
He laughed again. “That’s it.”
“But it’s so long.”
“You said something similar last time.”
