I watched Bill, who passed a bottle to Sarah. He set his ball on the ground, then swung the club until it struck.
The ball rolled along the green and bounced off the wooden edge. It stopped a few inches from the hole.
“So close!” Sarah called. “I’m going to kick your butt.”
I waited for her silver shoe to smack the back of Bill’s jeans, but she didn’t do that, only lining up like Bill had done.
By the time Tucker finished his turn, I felt reasonably sure I knew what to do.
I stood as they did and gripped the handle of the club.
Tucker came up behind me, fitting his body against mine.
“Aww, yeah,” Bill called. “Bow chicka bow wow.”
I had no idea why he was saying that, but the feel of Tucker’s body behind mine was worth any terrible mistake I might make trying to get the ball in the hole.
“Hold it like this.” Tucker adjusted my hands on the handle. “When you swing, go about this high, and follow through with your body.”
We moved together like one person, our weight shifting, and the club arced down and connected with the ball.
Through sheer luck, it bounced off the back wall and angled straight into the hole. Tucker released me as we jumped in the air with a shout.
“You did it!” He wrapped his arms around my waist.
Bill and Sarah let out whoops as well, but the entire scene blurred around me as I focused only on Tucker. His dark eyes locked on me, his wild hair outlined against the light behind him. His arms held my body against his, trapping the metal club between us.
His face lowered to mine. We’d kissed before, in the hospital and at the store, but now there were no disapproving nurses, no mother. And all the time we wanted.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, relaxing into his embrace. A perfect stillness held us separate from the noise and movements of everyone else. We were here. He was mine. And I belonged to him. Our kiss sealed us together like we were merging into one.
The happy goodness in my belly expanded and grew.Before Tucker, I trusted no one and believed only the notes left to me in my own handwriting.
But Tucker understood how our bodies could fail. That pills kept us safe. He wanted me to understand the world, not hide from it.
With every message he sent, every song he told me to listen to, every website I read, he brought me more into his world. And it was a fun one, full of silly jokes and goofy videos, music that made my heart pound or sometimes made me cry.
He felt things deeply and when he shared all that he knew, I felt those emotions, too. I had no idea there was so much to understand and experience. My mother’s world was so small. Four movies. A shelf of books. And the stories she thought were safe to tell.
But now I had Tucker and a universe to explore. And he’d found a way for us to do it together.
“Get a room!” Bill called. “You’re holding up the line.”
Tucker released me, and we glanced behind us. Another group was waiting for our hole.
Sarah laughed and knocked all the colored balls into the hole with her shoe. “Two points for everyone but Ava! She’s in the lead!”
Bill scooped up the balls, and we headed to the next hole.
Tucker kept me close to him, and I matched his step. The night moved on, filled with laughter and cheers and the smell of beer and smoky air.
The fun wasn’t being the first to get your ball in the hole. It was the conversations, the beautiful night, and Bill’s terrible jokes. I laughed when the others laughed, and reveled in the cool spring night, the feeling of Tucker’s body close to mine, and the camaraderie of other happypeople all doing the same thing. Nobody upset Bill by calling him Jill. Nobody made fun of me for knowing nothing.
This was life outside of my mother’s house. A world with Tucker.
I wanted more. I wanted it all.
I wanted to be eighteen.
