I stared at her words, willing myself to believe them.
She texted again,
Meredith: ’ll text you as soon as I’m done with my gig. I’m here if you need anything. No matter what!
Camille also knew about tonight. Between her and Meredith, I had the life preservers I needed to keep me from drowning. But even their support couldn’t dull the dread looming over me.
When we got home, I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs, a family favorite. The smell of simmering sauce filled the house, wrapping us in a warm, familiar comfort. It reminded me of the tiny apartment Jason and I shared when I was pregnant with Bebe. Only one person could fit in the kitchen at a time. I smiled at the memory of Jason slipping behind me as I stirred the pasta, his hands on my belly, kissing my neck and making me laugh. We were so happy once, a true, uncomplicated kind of happy. Was it possible to find that again? Or was it buried beneath the years of the resentment and pain we’d caused each other?
My thoughts drifted to Will. Was it the forbidden nature of our relationship that made it so intoxicating? Or was it something deeper, a real connection? With Will, everything felteasy. Conversation flowed, and we connected in a way Jason and I never had. Jason and I felt like the perfectly frosted top of a beautiful but tasteless cake. Over time, I’d become his cheerleader, always saying yes, even when it meant losing pieces of myself. Was that what Jason loved about me? Or was it what his mother loved?
A tear slipped down my cheek as the doorbell rang. The kids ran to greet their dad.
“Come on in,” I called out, wiping my face quickly.
Jason stepped inside, holding a bottle of wine and two gift bags. He handed me the wine with a polite but timid smile.
“Oh,” I said, laughing nervously. “Thanks.”
The kids eyed the gift bags eagerly.
“Are those for us?” James asked.
“Yes,” Jason said, “but you have to wait until after dinner to open them.”
“Aw, man,” James groaned.
“Be polite,” Bebe scolded, shooting her brother a look.
We sat down to eat. The table was unusually quiet for a family dinner. I picked at my plate. My appetite was nonexistent. I could tell Jason noticed but didn’t say anything. After dinner, I busied myself washing the dishes. Jason came into the kitchen and grabbed a towel, silently helping.
“I’ve got this,” I said.
“I should probably learn how to do this,” he replied, ignoring my protest.
I paused, gripping the edge of the counter. The words slipped out before I could stop them. “Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”
Jason exhaled, leaning against the counter. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I think we need some time apart. I saw Will looking at you at school, Natalie. That’s a man who’s in love. I wanted to punch him, but then I realized I was angry at myself,too. He doesn’t deserve you but I don’t either. I’ve been taking advantage of you for a long time, long before this all started.”
I looked him in the eye. “That doesn’t make what I did okay.”
“No,” he said softly, “but we both need to figure ourselves out.”
We finished cleaning up and walked together into the family room. The kids were playing, unaware of what was coming.
“Come here, guys,” Jason said, his voice gentle.
Bebe’s face lit up. “Are we having another baby?”
“No, sweetie,” I said, forcing a smile.
“I wish I had a brother,” James chimed in.
“And I wish I had a sister,” Bebe added.
“There aren’t any babies,” Jason said, his voice steady. “But we do have something important to talk about.”
My heart raced, and I felt like I might be sick. Jason put his hand over mine, grounding me. He pulled out the gift bags and handed one to each of them. Inside the bags were teddy bears, soft and comforting.
