Before heading to bed myself, I decided to check on Madison. I knocked lightly before entering her room, finding her sprawled on her bed with her phone in her hand and her headphones in ears.
“Hey,” I said, leaning against the doorframe. “Forty-five minutes, okay? Then lights out.”
She looked up, hesitating. “Dad, wait.”
“What’s up, kiddo?” I asked, stepping further into the room.
Her expression was serious, brows pinched just enough to tell me she’d been overthinking something. “You seemed happier a few weeks ago.”
The question took me by surprise.”What do you mean?” She shrugged, picking at the seam of her blanket. “I don’t know. You were whistling in the kitchen. You made pancakes with chocolate chips on a school day.” She looked up. “Now you’re just…not like that.” I sat down on the edge of her bed, “You notice everything, don’t you?”
She shrugged again but didn’t look away.
“Things just change sometimes,” I said gently. “I am just still figuring things out. But, my love for you and your siblings is constant. I will make more pancakes with chocolate chips for you.” I winked at her. She gave me a slight smile and nodded like she got it, at least the pieces she needed to.
“Okay. I am going to get back to homework.”
“Okay kiddo, love you. Don't stay up too late.
“I won’t,” she replied, already putting her headphones back on.
As I left her room, the weight of her question lingered. My kids could sense my hurt. I needed to be stronger for them. With summer approaching, I told myself it would be easier to move on. Natalie wouldn’t be at school drop-offs anymore. I wouldn’t see her in the parking lot or at events. I just had to get through the next few days.
Distraction was my best option, and an unexpected email provided just that. Lori, an old colleague, reached out about a major project, a city center in Laguna Hills. They also needed someone with fresh ideas to make it chic yet charming, blending equestrian themes with coastal vibes.
Lori’s words immediately made me think of Natalie. She’d be perfect for this, but was this just my way of trying to stay connected to her? I told myself it wasn’t. If she got the job, we likely wouldn’t even work closely together.
I responded to Lori, suggesting that I might have the perfect designer for the project.
After the long weekend, it felt good to have the kids with me for the week before their trip with Kelly. She and Jeff planned a vacation starting Friday, the day after school let out, and while I was happy for her, I was surprised at how quickly their relationship was progressing.
Still, Jeff seemed like a good guy. Kelly introduced us briefly when I picked up the kids one afternoon, and he struck me as solid and kind. He brought out a spark in Kelly I hadn’t seen in years. She deserved happiness, and I was glad she’d found it. She even apologized for bringing up the court order. Now, I had to move forward. I had to focus on my kids, my work, and the life I’d built. But I realized no amount of distraction would make the ache of losing Natalie go away. I just had to keep going. Summerwas coming, and with it, the promise of distance. For now, I just had to get through the next three days.
CHAPTER 50
THE GATE TO GOODBYE
NATALIE
The school year was winding down. The countdown had begun, but for me, it felt like life itself was ending. Meredith was my solid ground.
She stayed around for a few more days, just enough time to help me keep afloat. But she had to fly back on Tuesday to get ready for a wedding she was photographing that weekend, which meant at least I was spared from picking up the kids one more day, and from the gut-wrenching possibility of running into Will. I couldn’t bear to face him. My eyes were swollen, and my heart felt even worse. I felt shattered, as if I’d lost two great loves at once.
I had no one to blame but myself. My selfishness brought me to this breaking point.
I took a deep breath. Jason and I decided to wait until the weekend to tell the kids about the separation. We wanted to present a united front, assuring them that “Daddy would begetting his own place for a little while.” The careful phrasing was meant to soften the blow, but nothing about this was soft or easy.
Meredith zipped her suitcase, and the finality of the sound made my stomach twist. I stood in the hallway, arms folded tightly across my chest like a hug that could hold myself together with the pressure alone. My eyes still burned. My heart was splintered, two kinds of loss pressing in from opposite sides.
She slung her purse over her shoulder, but stopped short. Our eyes met. She crossed the room and in a few steps was pulling me and wrapping her arms around me.
“You’ll be okay,” she said, squeezing me tightly. Then she pulled back just enough to look at me. “But, seriously, maybe try waterproof mascara . The regular stuff clearly didn’t survive this week.”
I let out a half-laugh, half sob, and she smiled softer.
“You don’t have to be strong every second. Just breathe. Feel it. Let it be messy.”
She brushed my hair back from my face.
