I paused, trying not to cry. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. If it were just us, it would be an easy choice. But it’s not and I can’t see how this would work. Your divorce is still a fresh wound. Our kids go to the same school. There’s too much risk.”
I stood and walked over to him. My hands trembled as I cupped his face, his stubble rough against my palms. His eyes searched mine as if hoping for something to change. I kissed him softly, one last time, trying to memorize the way it felt, the way we fit. Trying to hold onto the warmth, the connection, the love. Every part of me wanted to stay. My body screamed to stay in his arms. We held each other tight as if we could freeze this,us,in time, and avoid the crash that was coming. But time didn’t stop. And neither did the truth.
I didn’t want to let go, but my mind wouldn’t let me. Not when the cost was everything else.
“I have to go,” I whispered the words slicing through me as I said them. I kissed him one last time. He couldn’t bear to look at me. My fingers slipped from his jaw, slow and reluctant. I pulled away before I could second-guess myself, and I walked out the door.
He didn’t follow me. He didn’t say a word. And the silence wrecked me.
I knew I broke his heart. I was breaking too. More than I thought.
The moment the door closed behind me, the sob caught in my throat, sharp and sudden, like it had been waiting for my permission. The tears spilled over uncontrollably, blurring my vision as I drove home.
When I walked into my house, it felt unbearably quiet. I grabbed my phone and called Meredith.
“I did it,” I said as soon as she answered. My voice trembling, “I let Will go.”
There was a pause on the other end, then her familiar sigh. “Oh, Nat,” she said gently. “I know how much you care about him. I really thought he might be it for you.”
“So did I,” I admitted, my tears spilling over again. “But I couldn’t see a way forward. It would have been too messy, too complicated.”
“I get it,” she said, her tone soft but tinged with disappointment. “But sometimes the best things are the messy ones.”
I was silent long enough that she added, “I’m proud of you for doing what feels right for you. That couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t,” I said quietly. “It feels like I’m breaking my own heart.”
“Give yourself time,” Meredith said. “I’m booking a flight. I’ll be there by dinner.”
This time I didn’t say no. Her support was exactly what I needed.
CHAPTER 44
SECOND CHANCES, SECOND THOUGHTS
JASON
When I found out Natalie slept with someone else, I thought for sure I’d be out the door. I imagined walking away, taking the easy route, and leaving it all behind. It’s what I thought I wanted. Clean slate. Fresh start.
Instead, something in me snapped.
The image of her with another man lodged itself in my mind, and it wouldn’t leave. It wasn’t just anger or betrayal, it was something deeper, something raw and unfamiliar. It was pain; the kind that gnaws at you, makes your chest tighten, and leaves you feeling like you can’t catch your breath. I didn’t want to care. I wanted to tell myself it was over, that this was my chance to be free of the years of tension and distance between us.
But honestly, I didn’t want to lose her.
I thought about Shannon more than I wanted to admit. It wasn’t like I hadn’t crossed a line. That kiss in the elevator, just the memory of it made my stomach twist with guilt. It was thrilling in the moment, sure. She was young, vibrant, and soeager for my attention, but as soon as it happened, I knew I’d made a mistake.
I never seriously pictured Shannon in my life for good. Not really. She wasn’t someone I could see beside me at family dinners or watching James and Bebe grow up. Shannon was a distraction, a fantasy that seemed appealing when my own reality felt so suffocating. But even thinking about taking it further, about sleeping with her, was enough to make me feel like I didn’t deserve Natalie at all.
What kind of man thought about that, and then got angry when his wife made her own mistake? The truth was, I checked out long before Natalie found someone else.
I decided to tell Danny everything. We were sitting on his back patio after a barbecue dinner. The faint smell of it still lingered in the air as we sipped our beers. When I finally stopped talking, he asked a question that hit harder than I expected.
“Will you be able to trust her again?”
Trust was the foundation of everything, at least, that’s what I used to believe, but if it was shattered, what did we have left? Could we rebuild, or would we just keep falling apart, piece by piece?
“I don’t know,” I admitted, “but I think we both needed this wake-up call.”
