Meredith always knew what to do, even when everything else was falling apart.
That evening, my phone buzzed with a text from Meredith.
Meredith: Bingo. Found it on her Instagram.
Shannon posted a picture of two cocktails on a white tablecloth, with the restaurant’s location tagged in the corner. It was a French place in Soho. Of course.
Meredith and her best friend Jack were already plotting. She called me before she headed out on the mission. “We’re going to a bar across the street. So we’ll have front-row seats.”
“You’re the best,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.
“No, I’m nosy,” she corrected. “You’re the best for giving me something to do on a Monday night.”
A little after ten, Meredith started texting me updates.
Meredith: They’re at the table. Wine. Shannon’s boobs are pouring out.
Meredith: Jack says she is laughing like he is Dave Chappelle and we both know Jason is not that funny.
My stomach turned with every buzz. I sat curled up on the couch, hugging a blanket to my chest, waiting for the next text, and the next.
Meredith: They’re heading back to the hotel. Stopping in the lobby for drinks. This is definitely not on the clock anymore.
I stared at the screen; my hands felt numb.
Natalie: Okay. He must be having an affair.
Meredith: So are you. Maybe it’s time to cut each other loose?
A moment later, Meredith called me. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know how we got here,” I said quietly. “We lost respect for one another.”
“You stopped growing together,” she said. “You deserve more. You want your kids to see real love so you can break the pattern set by our parents. I think you have it, Nat. I never saw you more alive than I did that night with Will.”
“Thank you for being here for me. I love you.”
“You too, call me if you need anything.”
I put the phone down, my chest aching. Meredith was right. There was no fixing this, I thought, dragging myself to bed.
Sleep didn’t come easily. I lay awake, listening to the quiet hum of the house. Jason was probably in a hotel room with Shannon. And Will… I thought of Will and the way he looked at me, the way he listened to me, and the way I felt when he kissed me, like I was seen. Like I was alive. Had I ever felt that way with Jason? Did he feel it now, with Shannon?
The most painful part was knowing our choices could hurt our kids. Or…was Meredith, right? Would they be better off if we stopped pretending, if they saw us with therightpeople.
Eventually I fell asleep from pure exhaustion, well after three a.m. And even then, it wasn’t a restful sleep.
The next day was rough. I pushed through Pilates, barely hearing the music being played or feeling the ache in my muscles. I kept myself busy, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, anything to distract myself from what I had learned. But my mind kept circling back to Jason and Shannon, to Will, to what the hell I was doing.
At some point, I texted Will.
Natalie: Can I come over? I need to talk.
Will: Sure. Come by before pick-up?
I threw on a loose cardigan and jeans. Neutral. Safe. I wasn’t going over there to lose myself in him, no matter how badly I wanted to.
When I got to Will’s house, the smell of coffee lingered faintly in the air, and the house felt…lived in. Real. I had to admire my own design work for just a moment. I sat on the edge of his couch, twisting my hands together.
