I was someone hurting her without even meaning to. The confusion in her eyes wasn’t just about what she saw tonight. It was the unspoken fear of her world shifting in ways she couldn’t control.
IwasMadison once. I was that girl who stumbled into a room and realized her parents weren’t who I thought they were. I was sixteen when my parents divorced, and it shattered the way I saw them. My sister Meredith and I didn’t know where to turn.
My mom was angry and bitter, constantly pointing out my dad’s flaws. My dad…well, he wasn’t much better. They both made mistakes, and Meredith and I were caught in the middle, seeing them as imperfect, selfish people for the first time. We leaned on each other, but the damage lingered. I promised myself I’d never put my kids in that position, that I’d be different, but now, here I was, walking the same dangerous line.
Madison didn’t need to know what was happening between Will and me to feel that something wasn’t right. And what about Bebe and James? How long before they’d start to notice the fractures, too? How long before Will’s other kids, Chase, Carter, and Ivy, would see it as well? Kids always know. They might not understand everything, but they feel it. They see the shift, the tension, the secrets we think we’re hiding.
I pulled into the driveway and stared at my beautifully lit home. The soft glow from the windows spilled out onto the lawn, illuminating the perfectly manicured landscaping I’d spent so much time designing. It was the kind of house people dream about, the kind that’s supposed to symbolize a perfect life. Only inside, it felt like something was missing. Something was cracked at its core.
The kids were asleep, unaware of the choices I was making. The thought made my stomach churn. I stepped inside and closed the door quietly. I paid the sitter, thanked her, and told her goodnight.
Once she left, I just stood there in the dimly lit foyer. I didn’t even bother taking off my shoes. Instead, I wandered into the living room and sank onto the couch. The hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen was the only sound breaking the silence. Then my phone buzzed beside me, and I jumped at the sound. It was Meredith. I’d told her about the date. And right now wished I hadn’t.
Meredith: How did tonight go on your “house project?”
Natalie: Complicated.
Meredith: Complicated means interesting.
I let the phone fall onto the couch. Complicated didn’t feel interesting. It felt messy and shameful and completely out of control.
My marriage to Jason felt like a shadow of what it used to be. Jason texted earlier in the evening to say he’d landed in San Francisco for his meeting. He didn’t ask how I was or what I was doing.What was I doing?
I was stuck in this endless loop, craving something I couldn’t have and hating myself for wanting it. I tried to think of ways to pull myself out of this spiral, to refocus on my family, but nothing came. Will’s face, his voice, the way he made me feel all lingered, no matter how hard I tried to push these feelings away.
The clock on the wall ticked past midnight, and still I sat there motionless. The house was quiet. The kids were asleep. Everything was peaceful, but inside, everything felt like a mess.
CHAPTER 22
THE ONE I WANT AND THE ONE I SHOULD WANT
WILL
Madison was planning to stay the whole weekend at my place. I was shocked she wanted to hang with me on a weekend evening. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this, just having her around, even when we weren’t doing anything special. Since the divorce, she was more distant, and I felt like I failed some unspoken test by not fighting harder for her mom, the one she always defended. Maybe she was right. Maybe I just let Kelly go.
No word back from Natalie yet. Not that I expected to hear anything. Her husband was probably home. It made my stomach hurt, knowing she was probably sharing her life with him. I wondered if he noticed the little freckle on her nose like I did. I shook my head and leaned back on the couch. Jesus. I was starting to sound like a Nicholas Sparks character. What was next? Crying in the rain?
Madison and I went to Mastro’s for dinner. She ordered her usual petite filet with garlic mashed potatoes. We were seated bythe windows, and by the time our drinks arrived, the sky outside had started to turn shades of orange and pink.
Madison glanced out the window. “That’s so pretty.”
The sunset bathed the whole restaurant in amber light, the kind that made everything look softer.
“Yeah,” I said. “This never gets old.”
She nodded, still watching the sky.
I added, “I’m glad we get to enjoy this together.”
She gave me a faint smile. Her big blue eyes drifted back to the sky, and her smile widened just a little.
We took dessert to go and watchedKill Billat home. She hadn’t seen it yet, and mentioned a friend told her it was “a banger,” which is apparently a good thing. I got the hint that this friend was a boy.
The next morning, I received a lengthy text from Kelly.
Kelly: You are violating the court schedule. Madison needs to come home today. I’ve been more than flexible. Don’t make me escalate this.
I signed and rubbed the back of my neck. I texted back.
