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Foolish
Pissed off
Embarrassed
Overwhelmed
Sad. So, so sad.
Everything Holland said during our fight hit all my sore spots. He called out what I’ve been insecure about for a while. If I didn’t have this job, who would I be? Would I still be fulfilled? Proud of myself ? I know the answers but they sting too much to verbalize.
There’s a knock at the door. I cautiously approach the thing that broke me this morning and look through the peephole. It’s not Holland. A wave of relief and disappointment hits me at the same time. I open the door.
“Good evening, Miss Lawson. These are for you.” A lodge staff member hands over a bouquet of flowers.
“Thank you,” I say as I shut the door and take them inside.
Vibrant, peachy-pink dahlias are wrapped in craft paper. The petals are soft like velvet.
I wonder if they’re from Viv. This is something she’d do. I find the card and my breath hitches.
No. Not from Viv.
Chapter Forty-One
NO MATTER HOW many white noise playlists I went through, I could hardly sleep last night. I feel like I got enough to function but not enough tofunction well.
I tossed and turned, jumping from topic to topic. Holland. Royce. Work. Bliss4ul contract. Holland. Kissing Holland. Yelling at Holland.
Ugh.
Whether I like it or not, I must meet with Royce today. My last piece of business at the lodge.
I miss my Peloton. If I was home, I’d do a difficult ride to help mentally prepare. Instead, I’m forced to settle for a treadmill in the gym. I am not a runner so it’s mostly walking and jogging until I’m out of breath.
One of my favorite pre-meeting rituals is a little dancing and music while I get ready. Not for every meeting, but ones that could have substantial outcomes. I do my best to move my body around but between keeping my mind quiet and eyes open, it’s a sorry end result.
Less wallowing and more positivity. Again, I’d like to give the version of myself who packed this small carry-on suitcase a round of applause. The fact I have my lucky blazer and heels puts me in a better mood. Great things have happened in this blazer. My hair is pulled back in a low bun. Classic.Professional.
