“The boys are out looking for him now. I’m sure it’s…” he trailed off and didn’t finish the lie. Carbon was a wonderful brother. After we lost our family, we became very close. He made a valiant effort to never lie to me, which is why he stopped mid-sentence. He wasn’t sure it was nothing. None of them were. They were worried about him and that’s why they rode out to look for him.
Suddenly, overcome with worry and dread, I burst into tears. Carbon pulled me into his chest and held me while I cried all over him. He was the one person I felt comfortable showing my emotions to. He rubbed circles on my back and murmured words of comfort to me, but nothing helped to ease my fears. In my mind, I was 11 years old again and he’d just told me that our entire family had been murdered.
I must have fallen asleep during my crying fit because I woke to Carbon shaking me and calling my name. When I opened my eyes, I could tell by the look on his face that he was about to deliver bad news. “They found him?” I croaked.
He nodded and quickly said, “He’s alive. He’s hurt, but he’s alive.”
Feeling a little better after hearing that, I pushed myself to a sitting position and asked, “What happened?”
He shook his head and looked down at his lap, “I don’t know, Reesie. His sister called Phoenix just a little while ago. She said the hospital called to tell her Duke was there and going into emergency surgery. She wanted Phoenix and Dash to take her to the hospital. She asked that everyone else hang back until they know more. As of right now, that’s all I can tell you.”
I flopped back onto the bed and covered my eyes. I tried my best to hold in my sobs, but my efforts were futile. Carbon stayed by my side, running his hand over my hair, while I once again cried myself to sleep.
The next time I woke, it was to a feeling I was very familiar with. I threw the covers off of me and bolted for the bathroom. I came to a sliding stop and dropped to my knees right as the vomit broke through the tight seal of my lips.
Carbon was there seconds later, holding my hair. “Are you okay, Reesie?”
I wiped my mouth with some toilet paper and held up one finger. I wasn’t sure if I was finished and I had learned the hard way that talking too soon after puking could result in more puking, at least for me anyway. When I was sure I was done, I answered, “Yeah, I think so. You know how my stomach gets when I’m upset.” That was very true. I had a “nervous stomach,” which I knew wasn’t technically a real thing, but for me, every time my anxiety got out of control, I would find myself hugging a toilet bowl until the anxiety had passed.
“Do you want me to ask Patch to come see you? Maybe get you something for your stomach?” he asked, his big green eyes filled with worry.
I shook my head, “No, I don’t want to take anything if I don’t have to. Would you bring me a piece of toast and maybe a ginger ale? I think that will help.”
“Of course.”
My stomach did feel better after the toast and ginger ale, but my emotional state was much the same, if not worse. I stayed in Carbon’s room and spent most of my time staring at the wall. I’m not sure how much time had passed, but finally, Carbon came in with news about Duke.
“Reesie, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s bad. He was stabbed eight times and suffered a severe head injury. I don’t know the details of how that happened, so don’t ask. What I can tell you is that he is currently in a medically induced coma and being monitored closely in the ICU. Only immediate family can visit with him right now, but we can go see him when he is moved to a room.”
I nodded and turned back to face the wall, “Okay, Carbon. Thank you for the update.” He patted me on the shoulder and left the room. I was past the crying stage. I had retreated into myself and erected my walls. If I kept everyone out, no one could hurt me.
I couldn’t tell you when, but at some point over the next few days, I returned to the room I had been sharing with Ember. She came and went, off and on, but I didn’t talk to her. I maintained my silence and kept my eyes on the wall when anyone entered the room. Carbon came by to check on me from time to time. I knew he wasn’t worried about me, not yet anyway. He had seen me do this exact same thing before, for a much longer period of time.
Again, I couldn’t tell you how long it had been, but Carbon came to tell me that Duke had been moved out of the ICU and could have visitors. He asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital to see Duke. Did I? A few days ago I would have said yes, but that was a few days ago, before I had rebuilt the walls around my heart. In my fucked up mind, I decided that I should go visit him to keep up appearances. It would seem strange if I was so upset about his injuries and then suddenly had no desire to see him.
Reluctantly, I showered and dressed. Carbon drove us to the hospital. He talked off and on during the ride, but I remained silent. Honestly, I just wanted to go back to the clubhouse, crawl into bed, and sleep for days.
When we arrived at the hospital, Carbon pulled up to the entrance and put the car in park. He turned in his seat to face me, “I’m not coming up with you because I have to take Duke’s sister back to the clubhouse, but I want to warn you before you go in there. He’s not awake and he looks like shit. His face is bruised and swollen and part of his head is shaved where they had to operate on his brain. His entire torso is bandaged. You won’t see that, but don’t touch him there. Okay?”
I nodded my understanding and exited the car. I followed the signs and managed to find Duke’s room without issue. Pausing outside his door, I took in a deep breath. Before I could chicken out, I pushed the door open and stepped inside. When my eyes landed on Duke, it took every ounce of strength I had to keep my anguish inside. Slowly, I approached the bed and carefully placed my hand on top of his.
What I could see of him was covered in bruises, even his hands. He must have tried to fight off whoever did this to him. His face was so swollen, I doubted he could have opened his eyes if he was awake. His head was shaved on one side with a thick bandage in the middle of the shaved area. I dropped my head down and let a few tears escape. I squeezed his hand and whispered, “Duke, please be okay.”
When I had my emotions locked down again, I took a step back from the bed and turned to see who else was in the room. To my surprise, the only other visitors were Phoenix and a woman I assumed to be Duke’s sister.
“Reese, this is Harper, Duke’s sister. Harper, this is Reese, Carbon’s sister,” Phoenix said.
The automated response spilled from my lips, “Hi, Harper. I’m so sorry about your brother. Is there anything I can do to help?” I was sorry about Duke, but I didn’t really want to do anything to help her. If I had been in a better place emotionally, I would have been more than willing to offer my help, but as it was, I was in no shape to take on any burdens.
“Actually, there is something you could do for me. Phoenix said you might be willing to stay with Duke while I go get a shower and a few hours of sleep. I’m exhausted and I stink, but I don’t want him to wake up with no one here. Would that be okay?” she asked.
Well fuck me sideways. What had I gotten myself into? “That’s fine with me as long as it’s okay with Phoenix,” I said, turning my gaze to Phoenix.
Please say I can’t stay.
Please say I can’t stay.
“That’s fine, just make sure you stay in the room. You can ride back to the clubhouse with whoever brings Harper back,” he said, clearly not hearing my unspoken plea. “I’m going to walk Harper down and then I have a few errands to run.”
