“Strictly personal.”
“Then you have my word that it stays between us.”
I cleared my throat. I had never uttered this story to anyone. Most of the time I tried to pretend like it didn’t even happen. “When Duke was in the hospital last year, I was at the hospital all the time. We weren’t officially together, but we had something going on and I had feelings for him. I thought he had feelings for me, too. When he woke up from his coma, he was like a completely different person. He was so mean and hateful to me. Some of the things he said to me I could never repeat. Some cut me deeply and, I guess, rang true in a way.” I paused, trying to gather my strength to continue.
Shaker scooted his chair closer to mine and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me any more.”
“I want to. I think I need to. I’ve never told anyone about this and I think it might be good for me to get it out.”
“That’s up to you, sweetheart.”
I took a deep breath and continued. “He told me I was a mistake. That he wished he never touched me. He said I was a child with a woman’s body and he was disgusted with himself for having ever laid a finger on me. He told me he knew I had feelings for him and I needed to get that shit out of my head. We would never be together. He said he wasn’t interested in playing house with a little girl, especially one that had daddy issues. If that wasn’t enough, he went on to say it was my fault he was in the hospital in the first place because I was the one who brought Ember to the club. He said I was too stupid to see the danger she was bringing with her and not only did I almost get him killed, I could have destroyed the whole club. He ended by saying I should do the club a favor and disappear.” I pushed myself off his shoulder and turned to face him. “So, that’s what I did. I disappeared and ‘played house’ by myself.”
Shaker’s jaw was clenched, lips pressed into a thin line, fists balled, and face red. Crappity crap. He spoke through gritted teeth, “Your brother know about this?” I shook my head. “Phoenix?” I shook my head again. “That motherfucker,” he growled.
“Shaker, you gave me your word.”
“I told you it would stay between us and it will, but I never said I wouldn’t beat his ass and not tell him why.”
“Please, don’t do that,” I cried. “I told you because I needed to talk to someone and get it out, not so you would do something about it. Beating his ass isn’t going to change anything. It’s not going to undo the hurt he caused when he said those things to me.”
“I just can’t believe that motherfucker. First, we find out he has a wife no one knew about and now this shit!” Shaker barked.
Any buzz I had was instantly gone. I froze, hearing nothing but my own heartbeat as my mind tried to process his words.
Lub-dub.
Wife.
Lub-dub.
Duke.
Lub-dub.
James.
Lub-dub.
Step-mother.
Lub-dub.
No! I needed my happy place. I needed to not feel. I needed my brother. I needed to breathe. I felt Shaker shaking me and I vaguely recall him speaking, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying to me. Finally, I got one word out. “Carbon,” I croaked.
“Come on, sweetheart, I’ll take you to him.” Shaker lifted me into his arms and ran into the clubhouse.
“No! Not in there!” I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t get the words out. I tensed up in Shaker’s arms and frantically shook my head back and forth.
“I’m taking you to my room. Then, I’ll go get your brother. Try to slow your breathing, Reesie Piecie,” Shaker rambled.
He placed me on his bed and I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing and the heartbeat pulsating through my ears.
Wife.
Wife.
Wife.
