“I’m sorry,” Juliet suddenly says as tears stream down her face again.
I take her hand, it’s all I can do. “It takes two,” is all I can muster.
“I’m going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. I promise we’ll stay away.” Her words cut sharper than the storm outside.
“You don’t—” I start but I’m not sure how to finish. “We don’t have to make any decisions right now,” is what I tell her, because I simply can’t think of anything else to say. A thousand options flash through my mind: set up a trust fund, hire a nanny, cover every expense so she can finish school. I could solve the logistics with a single phone call. But none of that feels like enough. Or maybe it’s too much?
“I won’t ... I’m not asking you to have an abortion.” My voice is nearly an inaudible whisper. She doesn’t say anything. “I respect whatever decision you make. It’s your body, Juliet.”
God help me, I want to say “I’ll be there for you,” but the truth lodges like a stone in my throat. I would ruin them. I’d be a shit father.
“You’re better off without me,” I mutter, more to myself than to her.
“What?” She looks at me like I’m an alien from Mars.
“You. The baby.” I swallow hard. “If I’m in you life, I’ll just ... I’ll destroy you both. That’s what I do. That’s who I am. The Grinch, right?”
Her head whips toward me then, her eyes wide and shining. “Is that why you don’t want this? You don’t think you’re good enough to be a dad?”
“I’m not good for you, Juliet and I’ll be worse for the baby.” I can’t imagine what Juliet would do if she really saw how horrible I am.
“You don’t know that. And you’ve been great for me. You’ve taught me how to live. I mean I’ve been pinching pennies and choosing the right path, the solid option, and you’re bat shit crazy,” she says and I have to laugh.
“I am not the crazy one,” I tease, because laughter feels better. “I have one word to prove that ...vegan. Perhaps you can call the baby Grinch Lactose Intolerant.” I sneer.
“Maybe I’ll call it Grinch Delta VIP Lounge.” We both laugh because we are ridiculous.
“Regardless of what you call Baby Grinch, I’ll make sure you have everything you need.” I know it's garish, but I want Juliet to understand I’m not going to leave her and my child wanting.
Her voice is softer and sadder. “I don’t need your money, Marcel. Like I said, just have your lawyer draft something and I’ll sign it.” The tears are about to fall again.
I glance at her and I can’t let this happen, she’s been crying all morning. “Come here.” I bring her into me. “Maybe we’ll just go to Vegas and have a cheesy wedding.” In a way it would be nice to just throw caution to the wind and marry a woman I think is charming and lovely and now pregnant with my child. I could take a shot that Happily Ever After exists.
“I wouldn’t be the first pregnant bride in Vegas.” Sadly this only makes her cry more.
“There has to be some kind of statistic on that,” I say as I bring her in closer and kiss her head. “I’m not going to make you do this alone. I may have been a womanizing asshole, that might even be my default personality, but I can do better. Granis going to take out a hit on me I just know it. I should let my lawyer know I leave everything to you.” I laugh because Gran might just be the deciding factor in all of this.
“Oh God, I have to tell Gran.” She knocks her head against my chest.
“I think right now we just need to get you home. I’ll have some prenatal vitamins sent to you at Gran’s and we’ll see a doctor together. My friend Beckett is a fantastic doctor. We can fly back to New York next weekend, or I’ll have him recommend someone to us.”
God, what was I saying?
Well, the fact that I’m saying it at all, is the biggest surprise.
“I’m sure Gran knows someone,” Juliet says with her face muffled against my jacket.
“I’m sure she does, I’ll have to compare notes.” And that’s when I realize I’m in this. I am in.
She gives a short, disbelieving laugh, almost delirious. “You’re brave if you’re willing to face Gran. You don’t have to.” Uh, mon dieu there she goes again. “I can do this alone.”
I take her hand and bring it to my lips and kiss her. “I know. But you don’t have to. And that is why we are going to do this together. Regardless of what happens, I’m going to be a part of this.” My chest tightens so painfully I can barely breathe, but I’m committing.
Juliet naps and is quiet on the plane ride back to Rhode Island. We arrive at the airport and I think of how we partedways at an airport the first time when I thought I’d never see her again. Now she’s going to be in my life forever. I'm not as upset about that as I should be. Actually there's a kind of warm comfort knowing that Juliet and I will be in each other's lives for better or for worse. A tiny being just barely formed has bonded us. I can't wax romantic about it, really. It was the least romantic way to make a baby, but it doesn't matter because that's what we've done.
I have a driver take us to Gran's apartment and I help Juliet carry her things in.
Gran greets us at the door with a scrutinizing look. “Well she’s all in one piece. That’s a good start,” she says with an accusatory eye.
