It takes me a moment to pull myself together. There’s a knot lodged in my throat, the weight in my chest pressing harder. When I finally look at him, he’s standing close to his sister, arms crossed.
I force a smile. “You’re coming with us, son?”
Ethan doesn’t answer. He places a hand on Alicia’s shoulder and starts toward the door. Just before we step outside, I catch Mark watching from the stairs, his expression tight. I turn my back on him and follow the kids, closing the door behind us.
As soon as I unlock the car, Alicia gets into the back seat. Before Ethan gets in, I speak up. “I’m really glad you’re coming to dinner with us too, Ethan.”
His shoulders stiffen, but he doesn’t turn around. “I’m only here to make sure Alicia’s okay.”
The words hit me hard, right in the gut. “I wouldneverdo anything to hurt your sister,” I say. I’m not sure whether what slips into my voice is hurt, disbelief, or irritation. Maybe all three.
He scoffs, turns to face me, and rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Like youlovedMom and wouldneverhurt her, right?”
Then he turns away again and takes the back seat beside Alicia, leaving me alone up front like the damn chauffeur.
I take a slow breath. He’s angry. Disappointed. That’s normal. At seventeen, everything feels bigger, harder to forgive. In time, he’ll understand that not everything is black and white. That things happen. But that doesn’t mean I stopped loving Ceci, or him, or Alicia.
I get in, start the engine, and put on the song Alicia asked for. The whole drive, I cling to the hope that at dinner, he’ll see that not everything has changed.
I kiss Alicia’s forehead and watch her disappear upstairs. Dinner didn’t go the way I’d imagined.
Alicia had fun. I took them to their favorite gourmet burger place. Ethan barely ate. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him leave half a burger untouched, and knowing it’s because being around me kills his appetite makes my stomach twist.
Alicia was the bridge all night, keeping the conversation alive, making sure everyone stayed engaged. Ethan only spoke to her. He never looked at me once.
I exhale, tired in a way that feels bone-deep, like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders. I turn to leave, fighting the urge to go upstairs and look for Ceci.
"Colin."
When she says my name, after days of silence, it rolls through me like a blessing I don't deserve.
I turn, already smiling, just from the relief of finally seeing her… but the smile fades. She's as beautiful as ever, the most beautiful woman I've ever known, but thinner, paler. It's been almost a week since I last saw her, and she looks worn, fragile.I did this to her.
“Ceci... how are you?” My voice falters.
“How was dinner? Did everything go well with the kids?”
Even now, she won’t talk about anything that isn’t them.
“It was good. Alicia had a great time. Ethan was more withdrawn, but she always finds a way to get him talking.”
Her chest rises and falls with a soft sigh of relief. It tells me everything I need to know. She doesn’t trust me anymore. Not even with our children. The other times I came by, she didn’t show. It’s not a coincidence that she’s here now.
“Good. Just make sure it’s only you when you take them out. Alicia knows we’re separated, but she is convinced this is temporary,” she says. Her voice is steady, but there’s exhaustion beneath it.
“There’s no one else to go with me. You’re the only one I want with us. Why don’t you come next time?”
She only looks at me, and I can’t stop noticing the dark circles under her eyes.
“Have you been sleeping? Eating? You look exhausted. Did you talk to a doctor about the headaches?”
Ceci shakes her head, staring at the floor. For a moment, I think she won’t answer. Then she lifts her gaze.
“My husband of almost nineteen years cheated on me for months, and I’m still trying to process it,” she says. “That’s why I have headaches, insomnia, no appetite. I don’t need a doctor to tell me the obvious.”
I did this to her.
“Please. See a doctor anyway.”
