Her eyes go to my mouth, and my breath catches.
My world narrows to the soft pink line of her lips. Her wide, trusting eyes. The inch of cleavage visible at the top of her V-neck sweater.
I could kiss her.
It would be the easiest thing to do right now. The most naturalthing in the world.
And it would break me.
With the mug in my right hand, my left hand twists my ring automatically. The motion serves as a warning, and I pull back abruptly.
Kira blinks. “Andrew?”
I back away. “We should get some sleep.”
Her expression tightens. She’s hurt and confused. “Did I?—”
“No,” I cut in quickly. No way I’ll let her feel bad about this. “No. You didn’t do anything.”
She holds my gaze. “Then what?”
I can’t tell her the truth. That something stirred in me that I haven’t felt since I buried my wife. That her strength makes me want things I swore off long ago. That I want to make up for all the pain she’s been through.
“You’re pregnant.” I hate myself for using that as a shield. “And you’ve been through hell. I’m not going to take advantage of that.”
Kira steps closer. “What about how I feel?”
I set down the mug. “I think you’re tired.”
Her body goes stiff, and she lets out a breath. “Please don’t dismiss me like that.”
I have to close my eyes for half a second, because I heard Sarah’s voice in that line.Please don’t dismiss me.She only had to say it once, early on in our relationship, back when I thought protection meant control.
I meet Kira’s eyes and give her the respect she deserves. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“Then tell me.” Her voice is as soft as one of her sweaters. Her hand is, too, when she briefly slides it over mine.
My ring is heavy on my finger. The past is heavy in my chest. “I can’t.”
Kira’s lips press into a line. “Because of Sarah.”
I flinch. “Yes. Because of Sarah.”
“I’m not asking you to forget her,” she says quietly. “I would never do that.”
“I know,” I say, “but I feel like I’m betraying her.”
Kira steps closer again but stops an arm’s length away, as if I’d drawn an invisible line between us. “She passed away, Andrew.” Her words are exceedingly gentle, without a trace of cruelty or disrespect. Still, she manages to deliver a hard truth. “Sarah’s gone, but you’re still alive.”
We stand there for several seconds, searching each other’s eyes.
“I don’t know how to do that,” I whisper.
“Neither do I.” Her eyes are shining.
My thumb finds the ring again, twisting it until it aches.
Eventually, Kira’s chin lifts. “Goodnight, Andrew.”
