“What the fuck, brother? How many times am I supposed to watch you hurt her?” Finn shakes his head, fury rolling off him in furious waves, and I have to fight back angry tears.
He went there.
“I was there the last time you broke her heart.” He thumps his own chest. “I picked up the pieces. Who do you think held her while she cried? Because it wasn’t you, brother. You weren’t there. Tell me you aren’t stupid enough to think she was only crying for Evan. Tell me you know you broke her when you walked away like a little bitch. There were days she didn’t eat. Days she wouldn’t stop crying?—”
“Finn,” I snap, selfishly angry he’s telling stories that aren’t his to tell. But he was there too. It happened to him too. We were all dealing with the grief and the trauma, and on top of that, he was dealing with me. He was there, holding me together. And when he levels his hurt eyes on me, my heart aches for the part I played in the pain reflecting back at me.
“Ashton... I won’t let you go there again. I can’t. You wouldn’t eat. You barely slept. There were nights I was worried you’d hurt yourself.”
I blink back tears and hand Kyrie to Jamie, stepping between him and Finn.
“Finnegan...” I want so badly to wrap my arms around his waist and hug him. But I can’t, not yet. “I lost my brother, and yes, I lost Jamie too, but it was Evan. He was the reason... It was Evan’s death that broke me. Losing Jamie hurt, but he was still out there, living and breathing and existing in the world. It wasn’t the same kind of pain.” I blow out an exasperated breath, trying to hold in the sob that’s right there, threatening to break the dam holding back my tears. “I’m so sorry I did that to you.”
“Ash—”
“No. It’s my turn now.” I run my hand down his arm and take his hand in mine. “I’m not sure I’ve ever told you before, but Finn, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t fair for me to lean on you the way I did. My parents were falling apart. My life was falling apart. I was falling apart, and you took on the role of protector. You held me together more than you ever should have had to. You made me feel safe. But it wasn’t Jamie I needed to be kept safe from. I was safe from the pain of being alone in the world. No matter where I was, you were with me. Even after I left. Even when I was in Chicago and you were here. You did that. You’ve always done that. Because of you, I was never truly alone. And I love you too. I always have. I always will. Youaremy best friend, and I should have told you as soon as anything happened.”
He clenches his jaw, not ready to look at me quite yet. “So tell me now.”
“Finn,” Jamie warns, and I turn to him and shake my head the tiniest bit.
This is my battle as much as it’s his, and I absolutely refuse to be the thing that comes between them.
He’s not happy, but he kisses Kyrie’s forehead and watches us silently, showing me more trust than I think he realizes. And I will forever be grateful for that.
“Jamie and I slept together in Chicago.” As if he can’t stay away, Jamie moves behind me. His big body brushes my back, offering silent support but letting me have the control he knows I need right now, and I fall a little more in love with him for that.
“And...” Finn pushes, but he knows the answer.
“And I’m pregnant.” His head drops, and so does my stomach. “Please, Finn... I need you to be okay with this. I need you to not hate me.”
He lifts his head, but it’s not me he’s looking at. “Are you together?”
Jamie wraps an arm around me possessively, and I sink into his quiet strength. “Yeah, man. We are.”
“We were going to tell you,” I add quietly. “But I wanted to wait until after I saw the doctor today.”
“Everything okay with the pregnancy?” He doesn’t quite shift fully into Dr. Murphy mode, but there’s a clinical edge to his tone. “You look like you’ve lost weight since you got here, Ash. I thought it was stress.”
“I have lost weight.” Weight I didn’t have to lose. “Six pounds, actually, so Kenzie wants to monitor me, and I need to try to gain that back. But...” I stop and glance up at Jamie, waiting for his permission, which he gives with a press of his lips to my forehead. “He’s only measuring a little small. Nothing to be concerned with yet, she said.”
“He?” A slow wobbly smile spreads across Finn’s handsome face. “You two are having a boy?”
“You gonna stop trying to fight me now?” Jamie groans, but there’s no malice this time, thankfully.
“Probably not,” Finn murmurs, his eyes growing wider. “I don’t hate you, Ash. I don’t hate either of you. But don’t fucking lie to me again.”
“We didn’t lie,” I argue and get side-eyed.
“A lie by omission is still a lie, Carmichael.”
“Are we forgiven, Murphy?” I push my luck as my stomach rolls again.
“I don’t know. I’m still in shock my best friend and my brother are having a kid. Maybe make me his godfather and I’ll forgive you. Best man wouldn’t hurt, either. Damn, that would piss off Maverick.” Finn’s smile is a little evil as I stand in front of him, trying to act like that insinuation didn’t just scare the shit out of me. “I mean... You guys are getting married, right?”
“Eventually,” Jamie assures him, and I think my head explodes like something from aLooney Toonscartoon.
We have absolutely not talked about marriage.
