He leaves those words hanging in the air between us, giving them life, and I wish I knew what he wanted me to say because I have nothing.
No sarcastic comeback.
No nasty remark.
I’ve got nothing.
Nothing other than the unfamiliar feeling in my chest I refuse to acknowledge.
The one that threatens to rock me to my core.
Instead, I do what I do best.
I force myself to stay the course. To push through and push on. I cling to what I know. And what I know is how to survive. “CPS said everything looks good. They gave me the name of afamily lawyer who does pro bono work, in case I want to pursue legally adopting Kyrie.”
“Do you want to do that?” he asks, not exactly pushing but also not forcing me to turn around and look at him, so I’ll take it as a small win. “That sounds like a life-changing move.”
A hysterical laugh quietly bubbles up in my throat, and I force myself to break his hold as I turn and face him, if for no other reason than I won’t be looking at my sister when I say this. “I’m not sure it could be more life-changing than this already is. I’m not sure of anything beyond knowing in the depths of my soul that my mother hasn’t been able to even care for herself since the night we lost Evan, and I don’t want Kyrie to ever have to spend another night with her again.” I blink up at Jamie and swear for an instant, pride flashes in the depths of his emerald eyes before I look away. “You know what? That’s a lie. I am sure that I want custody of that little girl. I want to make sure she grows up knowing she’s loved.”
Clinging to my sweater, I wrap it tighter around myself. “I might not have known she even existed two months ago, but now that I do—now that I get to love her, I want to make sure she knows every single day she’s safe and loved and that she’ll be the center of my world. I want her to have what I never did.”
“Then we’ll make sure that’s what happens,” he tells me as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest in a bear hug that has me freezing in place.
This is twice since he walked in the room he’s held me, and that’s not us. We’re not friends. We don’t touch. Not like this. “Because you know what else guys like me with big houses have?”
I lift my head and wish I could look away from his handsome face and those eyes that feel like they can see so much more than I’m willing to show. “I’m scared to ask, Murphy.”
“Big trust funds and powerful families.”
“I’m not taking?—”
“I wasn’t asking, Ashton,” he warns, and the authority in his voice leaves no room for argument. “Besides, it’s not just for you. It’s for her.”
We both look over at Kyrie, still peacefully sleeping while the two of us argue in hushed tones.
“For her and for you and for Evan...”
I will not cry today.
ASHTON
I assumed I understood the consequences of sleep deprivation.
Instead, I’m forced to understand the consequences of just how wrong that assumption was.
—Ashton’s Secret Thoughts
Jamie lifts me from the floor, and I wrap myself around him as he presses me against the wall and pushes my hair away from my face. “Tell me to stop, Ashton...”
Oh God... that voice. The gravelly need in it... It’s overwhelming. And the feel of this man’s body against mine, this man’s weight on me, it’s everything I remember.
“I think I’ll cry if you stop.” I lean into his touch, desperate for more.
Clawing at his chest, I push his shirt up and force it over his head, dropping my mouth to his throat.
He grasps my face in one big, calloused palm, and I gasp, my pulse pounding and heart racing as his lips hover over mine. “Please, Jamie... Please.”
I lock my ankles behind his back and—my God, this man. He slides his hand around my neck, his fingers digging into my hair. Brilliant green eyes fix on mine, sending a sharp, sweet bolt of hunger thrumming through my veins, and I count the beats of my heart until his mouth finally claims mine.
