Two things I struggle with every day.
And tonight, as I turn and turn and turn, the room flying around me at dizzying speeds, I almost forget—the pain. The fear. The chaos. Almost convince myself I’m in control.
Until I’m not.
When I throw myself into the last turn, then dramatically drop to the floor and lie down, my arms and legs flat against the cool mat and my eyes closed as I take deep, cathartic breaths, the clapping starts.
Holy shit.
“Damn, Ace.” Not him... I turn my head toward the door and open my eyes to find exactly who I already knew was going to be there. “That was incredible.” Jamie moves around the floor until he’s standing above me, looking as frustratingly beautiful as ever. “You were incredible... I forgot—I haven’t seen you dance in years.”
“How long have you been down here?” I bring my knees up to my chest and smooth my hair away from my face, trying to look less frazzled than I feel because I remember the last time he saw me dance in vivid clarity. I remember every single second of that night.
“Long enough to know you can’t give up dancing,” he says matter-of-factly.
“What?” With my phone in hand, I pause my playlist, confused, and push up to my feet.
“I know you’re trying to figure out the whole work thing. But seriously, Ashton. You were—are... damn. You’re reallytalented. Don’t give that up. We’ll help you figure out what to do with Kyrie. Maybe find a nanny or a babysitter or something. We can help. But seriously, you’ve got a gift. Don’t waste it.”
I look away and let my eyes run over the weight bench in the corner of the room. Anything to not have to look at him right now as I push up to my feet. “What did I say about liking you better when you’re a jerk, Murphy?”
He catches my chin with his fingers and drags my face back to his. “Has anyone ever told you you’re like a damn honey badger, Ace?”
“A what?” I laugh and pull away, picking up the baby monitor, ready to get the hell out of this confined space that didn’t feel so confined until Jamie sucked all the oxygen from the room.
“Vicious little things that look cute but will eat your face. You kind of remind me of them.” He smiles, and I want to laugh at him.With him.But I roll my eyes instead because this is where we work. The only way we work. Because Jamie is great when he’s here, but he doesn’t stay.
“Here.” He holds up two tote bags and leaves them hanging in front of me.
“What’s this?” I ask, scared to take them.
“My friend had some baby clothes she didn’t need. She wanted you to have them.”
His friend . . . ?
“She...” I push, trying really freaking hard to ignore the jealousy that sparks with that single word. What the hell is with that, and why the hell am I jealous of anything pertaining to him? He’s not mine. Not my friend. Not my anything.
Just a mistake.
“Yeah, Kaleigh. Her sister has a little girl and just had a baby boy, but she’s done having kids. She thought maybe some of this would fit Kyrie.”
My heart sinks, thinking about one of Jamie’s wealthy, perfect friends taking pity on me. Even worse. Who’s this woman? Does she mean something to him? Did she mean something when we— I can’t even go there. “I’m nobody’s charity case, Jamie.”
“Charity case? What the hell are you even talking about?” he snaps.
Guess I hit a nerve.
Good. So did he.
Jamie drops the bags in front of me, disgusted. “Don’t be stupid, Ashton. You needed help, and she wanted to help.”
“Stupid?” I spit back at him, fire burning my veins. “I may be a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them, Murphy.”
“I didn’t mean?—”
“Sure, you didn’t.” I don’t want to hear this. Not now. Not after today. “How does she even know I need help?” I whisper, so angry that I’m shaking for a whole different reason now.
“Ashton—”
