Not sure if that means I really need sleep or if it just shows how little I’d be surprised at the lengths she’d go to provejust how much better she likes Finn, Ryker, and her favorite, Jamie. She’s adorable, but her taste obviously leaves room for improvement.
“She’s still on a sleep strike.” I reach my arms out and wait for him to give her back. “But I spoke with CPS this morning, and everything is looking good, so far.”
We’ve had our first home assessment, and we passed with flying colors. It turns out Mrs. Lorang is going to be an ally after all, thankfully, and she’s helping me get through everything I need to do.
“Good.” He kisses the top of my head, then Kyrie’s too. “Call me if you need anything. I won’t be back until sometime tomorrow.”
He checks his pockets for his keys and phone, a habit Finn has had since we were teenagers, then tilts his head at my smile. “What?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “Just you. You really did it, Finn. You’re a doctor. A surgeon. I’m so freaking proud of you.”
“Do you remember the way Evan freaked out the first time you told him we were playing doctor?” He laughs as he grabs his coat from the back of the chair. “I thought he was going to kill me.”
“Yeah well, I think that meant something very different to a thirteen-year-old boy than it did to ten-year-olds.” The memory brings a sharp pain to my chest, even if it does bring a smile to my face. “He’d be proud of you. You know that, right?”
“He’d be proud of you too, Ash. You’re doing the right thing,” he reassures me as we walk to the front door. “Have you given any more thought about talking to your mom?”
I shake my head. “Do you think I should?”
“I think you need to do what feels right for you, and I can’t tell you what that is. But I’m here if you want to talk about it.”Finn cracks the door, and a cool burst of air snakes through. “See you girls tomorrow.”
Footsteps pound down one of the two curved staircases behind me. Ones I know belong to Jamie because Ryker left an hour ago.
If someone told me even a week ago I’d be living with three men, I’d have said they needed to share whatever hallucinogen they were on. Well... not really. But I’d know they were nuts. And a week ago that would have been true. Now—now the little girl in my arms perks up the minute Jamie reaches for her like he has a right to.
Who am I kidding?
He’s better with her than I am.
“Morning, princess.” He takes her and winks at me. “Ace.”
“Such a charmer,” I grumble as my sister enjoys all the Murphy attention she can soak in, and as much as I hate to admit it, I take a minute to soak in just how good this giant jerk looks holding her in his massive arms. Arms I can still feel holding me when I close my eyes, which only manages to piss me off even more every single time I see him. Suddenly being insanely attracted to someone you hate, while living with said asshole, might just be the only thing as difficult as trying to figure out my life right now.
If just one thing would click into place, maybe I’d feel like I could breathe, but nothing has. Not yet.
“Did you get any sleep?” he whispers as he lifts his eyes from Kyrie, and I realize he’s asking me, not her.
I’m still not used to this... being cordial with Jamie Murphy doesn’t come naturally, it hasn’t for years, and it doesn’t help even a little bit that every time I close my eyes, I see?—
No. I am absolutely not going there.
“Ashton . . . ?”
“Sorry,” I shake myself out of that little nightmare dressed up like a daydream. “No, I didn’t really sleep. Kyrie had another rough night.”
Jamie palms her little head like a basketball, then runs his hand down her back, and I see her face again. Her sleeping face. What the hell?
Is it possible to love someone with your whole heart after only a few days but also to wonder whether you could run away from them? Asking for a friend.
“How do you do that?” I don’t bother to hide the frustration I’m feeling. It’s bone-deep at this point and no doubt written on every inch of my skin.
He adjusts her, holding my tiny sister in front of me and lying her back in my arms. “I don’t know. I guess I just have a calming personality.”
The fuck he does.
“Do you need anything while I’m out?”
I hate that he’s being nice. I like Jamie better when he’s a jerk. At least, that feels right. Nice Jamie is just another change, and I’m not sure I can take many more changes.
