But my body doesn’t seem to care about that, nor about the world of differences between us. In fact, I kind of want to let my brain stop caring too. Really, aren’t her age and experience a comfort? Wasn’t Dean saying earlier that people our age change too much? It’s clear Julia already has herself figured out. She’s seen more and done more than anyone else I know.
“Would kissing you help?” I blurt.
She goes completely still.
Slowly, she turns to face me, and a strange expression crosses her face. “What do you mean,help?”
I could just crawl into a hole, but I make myself continue. “When feeding. Would you be able to drink in more power if we… Like, if our lips and tongues were touching, too?”
My face is absolutely on fire.
She stares at me. Her hands clench and unclench at her sides.
In the silence, I try desperately to read what she’s thinking. Why is she not answering? Is she disgusted by the suggestion? Amused?
Finally, she says, “That’s a dangerous question.”
I bristle. “I’m trying to help us handle whatever we’re about to face.”
“Is that so?” Julia steps in, her eyes glinting in the moonlight. “Or are you looking for an excuse?”
Heat floods my cheeks. “How dare you.”
She tilts her head. “How dare I suggest you’ve been wondering what it would be like since I first touched you?”
I cross my arms and scowl. “You’re insufferable. Sorry for suggesting it.”
She chuckles and takes a slow step closer. “It is likely to prove helpful, yes.”
My heart skips a beat. “Then why didn’t you just say that?”
“I like to watch you squirm.”
I realize I am, in fact, squirming, and I force myself to stay still. “So you’re saying we should try it, then.”
She searches my face with those piercing eyes, and I feel naked under her gaze, like she can see every confused feeling writhing inside me.
“I just think we need every advantage we can get,” I say firmly. “If this gives you more power and keeps us both alive, it’s worth it, and then we know for the future that…” I’m babbling. Trying to justify why I suggested it. Trying to convince myself this is about survival and not because Iwantto kiss her. To feel her lips on mine. To run my tongue over more than just her fingertips.
Finally, she takes another step closer, looking down at me with so much smooth confidence that it pisses me off. “You should know that the more intimate the feeding, the more it will affect you.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Does this mean you’ve fed on someone without killing them before?”
“I fail to see how that’s relevant.”
I sigh. “What do you mean by ‘affect me?’”
She’s close enough that I can feel her body heat, and I suppress the urge to lean in and make her wrap her arms and cloak around me to keep me warm.
“Sanguine magic feeds on life force, yes, but not all life force is equal. Unwilling victims barely sustain me, which is why I have to drain them dry. But desire…” Her piercing blue eyes meet mine. “A willing participant gives me more power than I could steal from a dozen strangers. But you should know that you will come to crave the sensation. It will become difficult to tell whether you’re feeling the incantation’s effects or…other desires. Is that what you want?”
My breath catches. Is she warning me or tempting me? Does she realize the line between feeding and other desires has already been swept away like the wind over a strip of sand?
“Well, I’ve already got the binding spell muddying my feelings,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant. “I think I can handle it.”
Julia tilts her head, a curious look in her eyes. “The binding spell forces proximity, not desire. I have known bound witches who despised each other until death.”
I stare at her, everything I thought I’d figured out coming to a screeching halt. “Wh-what? But you said…”
