“At myself.” Erik sighed, looking at Cierra with a mix of compassion and sadness. “I know this sounds weird, but I think I saw getting a spot on that show as a way to, I don’t know, connect with him? Make it right?” She twisted her mouth and looked down, dejected.
“Cierra, I never knew your dad, but I’ve had the honor of getting to know the woman he raised, so I know he must have been one hell of a man. And there’s no way he’s up there, waiting on you to get some job or award or TV spot.”
Cierra looked at him with wet eyes and grinned a little. “You’re probably right.”
“You gotta forgive yourself, Cierra. You have nothing to make up for.” He looked around the muddy back road. “And wereallycan’t have you getting panic attacks on dirt roads. What if I weren’t here? An alligator could’ve gotten you! Or some guy with a shotgun and two teeth.” Cierra laughed at Erik’s attempt to lighten the mood. She knew he was right; she needed to forgive herself, but it was easier said than done.
“I miss him.”
“I know.”
The two sat in silence for what felt like a long time after that. Erik kept holding her hand, and together, they listened to the sounds of bird calls and wind rustling through the leaves.
“If I don’t nail this audition — I think I’m done with New York.”
“Done with New York? Why? Can’t you just find another job like the one you have now?” he said with mild alarm.
With a sad smile, Cierra shook her head. “This summer has been fun, a whirlwind, but I can’t keep doing this. I need something stable. Going from contract to contract, constant shifts in schedule . . . it’s not sustainable.” She rubbed her hands on her legs. “I’m exhausted. If I land this opportunity, then great, but the thought of continuing this lifestyle . . . to keep chipping away at it . . . I’ve reached my limit.”
“Hmm,” Erik pondered, obviously trying to help problem-solve. “Well, what about Julian? I’m not sure how serious you two are, but maybe he could help.”
“Like, with money?”
“Well . . . yeah?”
With a scoff, Cierra just shook her head again. “No, I’m not making that mistake again. If I can’t afford to live in the city . . . I just can’t afford it. Besides, I don’t know where our relationship is going. If I even have one.”
Erik’s head cocked. “What happened?”
Her tears letting up, and feeling more grounded, Cierra stared at the dust from the road covering her backside and hands. “I told him about what happened with us, and he didn’t take it so well. And even if I hadn’t, I don’t think it was ever going to last. Things just haven’t been clicking.” She thought about what Mia had said on the plane; she was so right.
“Cierra, if he can’t be happy for your successes, or can’t forgive you for something that you did while you weren’t even in the relationship, how can you trust him to be a good partner? Is that really what you want?”
“You sound like Mia.”
“Yeah, well, maybe she has a point. Is that why you two are fighting?”
Unable to verbally confirm that, at the ripe age of thirty, she was arguing with her friend over a boy, Cierra nodded slowly.
Instead of lecturing her, Erik extended a hand and helped her off the ground. They both silently got into the Jeep, this time with Erik in the driver’s seat.
A few minutes of driving passed before either spoke.
“Thanks, Erik,” Cierra said, finally.
“Of course,” he said, eyes still on the road. His right hand lifted momentarily off the driving wheel, just for a moment, before landing back into place.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
AFTER COMING BACK from errands, the sky had transformed from powder blue, into a vibrant swirl of oranges and purples in the southern dusk, to a deep navy twilight in what felt like a flash. Cierra’s time with Erik had left her feeling lighter, despite the dull guilt of all the judgments she had been putting on him. She also knew she needed to find Mia and apologize for what she’d said on the plane.
With Erik, it felt like with each new conversation or chunk of time spent with him, he became more relatable. And she liked the way she felt about herself after they spoke. They could have fun small talk, but there was something deeper there, too. She got the feeling she usually had when talking to Mia — like he saw her. And she felt like she could see him, too.
However, the second she got back to the mansion, her musings about her boss’s brother came to a halt as her professional obligations were in full force. And thanks to her talk with Erik, she felt much more prepared for the tasks at hand: managing the support staff, arranging snacks and drinks, and of course prepping dinner for the first evening. Luckily, quite a few of the guests weren’t arriving until at least eight p.m., so Zelda’s assistant had made the executive decision to push dinner later, which was no issue for Cierra.
In the mansion, there were probably about fifteen to twenty people, so it was full without being overcrowded. Many of theguests gathered in the open-plan living room, furnished with coastal white furniture and maritime accents like starfish and abstract paintings of boats. Cierra recognized one investor, a middle-aged man with a handsome weathered look, chatting with Mia near a painting of a ship lost at sea. He was telling her about his own boat and how it resembled the one they were gazing at in the oil painting — maybe he’d give her a tour sometime. A ridiculously sized flat screen TV was on with the volume down. The scene felt like a football Sunday, but with a few million dollars added to the mix.
Mia was supposed to be filming for all the events, but Cierra had gathered that wouldn’t be happening, at least not for tonight.Fine.
