“So, Julian, tell me something.”
“Sure, ask away.”
“How are you still single?”
He started laughing and acted like he was being attacked, although it was clear he was joking around. “I could ask the same of you. If I had known you could cook like this, I would’ve chased you down months ago.”
“If you’re hiding something, just let me know now. You better not chop me up later.”
“Too bad. You look good enough to eat.”
Cierra grinned and took another bite out of her own portion. He bit his lower lip seductively, but then a more serious look came over his face. “No, it’s a fair question. I’m in my late thirties . . . Trust me, you’re not the only person who’s curious. Simple answer, I’m recently divorced.”
“Oh,” Cierra said.
She had been preparing herself forMy job is my number one priority,orI’m poly.
But the D-word put all her other theories to shame.But what if he has. . .
“And no, I don’t have any kids. That was one thing we took our time on, and I’m glad now that we did,” he said, as if reading her mind.
“Sorry, I just . . . I didn’t think . . .” She took a second to get her thoughts together. “That must have been hard. My sister is a divorce lawyer, so I hear all kinds of stories.”
“Ha, so did I. Then Iwasone of those stories.” He pulled up some grass, obviously thinking about something else. “Listen, it’s not sexy, I know. But I wanna be honest about it. I spent a decent amount of time processing, and it’s part of my story. During the separation, I felt so ashamed that it failed. When really, we married three months after college graduation. We didn’t have any reference for who we were or what we wantedout of life. We have a cordial relationship now, and it ended about as well as it could have.”
She looked at him for a moment, his face peacefully resigned after talking about his relationship. What Lisa had said about people like Julian being half her client base came to mind, and she appreciated the perspective now that it seemed more real.
“Thanks for telling me.”
“Of course.”
“I’m not divorced, but I can relate.”
“You know, I seem to recall you saying something about a breakup,” he said with a smirk. “But, seriously, six years isn’t nothing.”
“No, it is not. I can’t believe at one point I really thought he was it. That I’d spend the rest of my life with that one person.”
Julian listened patiently with caring, understanding eyes. “Like it’ll never end. And then, one day, it does.”
“Why do you think we do this to ourselves?” Cierra asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Like, as humans. Why do we put ourselves in these situations, over and over again, where we have the potential to get hurt?”
Julian grinned and shrugged. “I guess because we can’t help ourselves. When we meet someone who turns that lever, lights that spark, we’re helpless. Against all better judgement.”
Talking to him felt easy; none of her other friends could relate to what she was going through. They’d either never been in a relationship that long, or if they had, they were still currently inside said relationship. Trying to talk to someone about what kind of heartache and disorientation came with that kind of split was impossible unless the receiving end had the same experience.
The sun was setting, and the others who had been sharing the enclave with Julian and Cierra had left, not that she had anyidea when. She lay down on the picnic blanket, staring up at the multi-colored sky through the forest canopy.
“I think I spent a lot of energy worrying that others would think I failed if I didn’t stick the relationship out, didn’t have a certain job, but, I saw my ex and a bunch of others at a birthday party last night, and I realized, I don’t think anyone is thinking about me at all.”
“Isn’t it ironic how it always ends up that way?”
Cierra nodded. “But . . . I’m making this about me. I am sorry about the divorce. Hopefully you’re doing better now?”
He leaned over her as she lay down, so close that she could smell his cologne. His eyes were intoxicating in such proximity. “I’m not sorry,” he said softly and stroked Cierra’s left hip. His touch was light, as if he were asking for permission without words. Waiting for a subtle shift or change and he’d stop. But Cierra just lifted the corner of her lip, looking straight back at him.
