Yeah, I kind of was too. “I better go.”
“Hey, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do tonight.” She evilly laughed.
“Good night, Amanda.”
I threw my phone on my bed and walked out to find blankets and pillows on the couch. Ian rushed to my side to help me to the couch and settle in. He sat on the edge, close to me, and touched my face softly. “I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating.
I had a feeling he wasn’t only talking about the accident. I reached up and grabbed his hand and held it. “We really need to talk.”
He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. “Not tonight,” he whispered against my lips that already missed his.
I was so torn, part of me wanted to pull him back and kiss him thoroughly. The other part wanted to shake him and make him tell me why, after all these years.
“But . . .” I barely managed to say. My eyes were already becoming heavy.
“Just sleep,” I heard him say before I did as he said.
I don’t know how long I slept, but I woke up in the pitch dark of night feeling disoriented and hurting. I tried to sit up, only to find that difficult. I cried out in pain.
“Are you okay, Kelli?”
That voice jarred my memory, as did his touch. He was by my side lightning fast, helping me to sit up. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see him. The “him” that had left me and hurt me. A wave of memories and pain washed over me. “I loved you and you left me. Why?”
Even in the dark I could see his eyes widen. “Kelli, I don’t think we should talk about that right now.”
“Stop saying that,” I cried. But before he could answer, I snapped, and a flood of uncontrollable words fell right out of me. “It’s because I don’t have big boobs and blonde hair like Alexa and your ex-wife.”
His jaw dropped.
“That’s right, my sister and I googled you and your big-breasted wife.”
He chuckled. “Kelli, you don’t know what you’re saying right now.”
“I do know what I’m saying, I just can’t help what I’m saying. I deserve to know after all these years.”
He took my hand and I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me. “Please Kelli, let’s have this conversation when you aren’t under the influence of painkillers.”
“Maybe you should go.” I sniffled.
“Fine,” he sighed, “we’ll have it your way.” He let go of my hand and ran a finger softly down my cheek. “Kelli, first of all, this has nothing to do with the size of your breasts or the color of your hair. You are the most beautiful woman of my acquaintance, but you were so young and innocent. It was against my better judgment to get involved with you in the first place.”
“So, you never wanted me?” My emotional state came right through. On some level, I knew I would regret it, but the drugs in my system were having a heyday.
He shook his head. “I didn’t say that.” He moved in closer. “I never wanted another woman more than you, but I wasn’t ready for you, and you lacked experience with men and relationships.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He stood and began pacing the floor, just like he had the night it all fell apart. He didn’t speak for a couple of minutes, and when he did, he still kept pacing. “It means I wasn’t ready to get married, especially to a girl who hadn’t even experienced life.”
“I didn’t ask you to marry me. I knew you didn’t want to at the time.”
He stopped pacing and faced me. “The problem was,” he paused, “I wanted to marry you.”
What? I shook my head in confusion. Well, as much as I could. My head was pounding. “I don’t understand.”
He knelt next to me beside the couch, so that he could look directly into my eyes. “I loved you and I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but I had nothing to offer, and you were so young.”
“Then why didn’t you just tell me that instead of walking away like I didn’t matter to you at all? Wait . . . did you say you loved me?”
