I thought back to some of those kisses. I could still feel the way he would caress my cheeks—peering into my eyes like that’s all he ever wanted to do—before pressing his lips against mine. He always took his time before his tongue would tempt my lips to part. Each time I gave into the temptation, which was every time, I was rewarded with tingles down my spine. “You have no idea.” I wish I didn’t either.
“That good, huh?”
“Best ever. You see why I can’t work for him?”
“Are you kidding me? Show this guy who the boss is and what he’s missed out on all these years.”
I tapped my fingers on her perfectly cleaned table. “I don’t know, sis.” From the looks of it, he didn’t seem to be missing out on much. I hated that he was even more attractive now.
She stood and assessed my pathetic figure while taking off her apron. “I say we go shopping and get our nails done while you’re contemplating.”
I wiped the tears out of my eyes. That was the best idea I’d heard all day. “You really are the most terrific-est sister ever.”
She pulled me up out of my seat. “Tell me something I don’t know, Kelli Jelly.”
I STILL WASN’T SURE WHAT I was going to do, but a day of shopping and being pampered at the spa with my sister was therapeutic, to say the least. She lived up to her most terrific-est title. All day she kept encouraging me to go and get my job back, even though I wasn’t sure I should. In my head I had completely gotten over Ian, but there seemed to be some murky water under that bridge in my heart. Why else did I have such a strong reaction to him? I didn’t think you could truly loathe someone unless you had truly cared for that person. And did I ever loathe him. It was probably because he was the only man I had ever loved. That wasn’t my plan, but for some reason, try as I might, love had eluded me. Not to say I hadn’t had a man or two tell me they loved me, but I’d never been able to reciprocate. I’d never been able to find a man who made me feel as cherished and safe to be myself as Ian had. Well, you know, until he walked away when I told him I loved him. So maybe it was all a lie.
Or maybe I was defective and could only fall in love with men who would never love me back. Or maybe I had trust issues because my mother abandoned us and the first person I expressed my love to also abandoned me. Amanda said I was making something out of nothing. “Look at your life—you’re the most trusting and open person I know. You just haven’t met the right guy yet,” she would say.
Easy for her to say, she met Zane when she was eighteen and was married at twenty-one. I wouldn’t say I was jealous of her; it was morelike I had holy envy. Is there such a thing? I don’t know, but what I did know was that I wished for what she had - a house full of people to love. I would have traded in deal-making and conference calls for PTA meetings, soccer games, and diapers in a second. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job, or at least I used to love it. I kept forgetting I didn’t have one anymore. I just wanted more. No, that wasn’t it. I think I wanted more personal fulfillment. Belly dancing could only give me so much, no matter how good my butt looked.
By the time I arrived back at my apartment, the sun was beginning to set. While I unloaded my haul for the day, I looked over the plethora of bags and thought maybe I shouldn’t have shopped like I was still gainfully employed. Oh well, you only live once, right? Besides, it was for therapeutic purposes, and if I had to look for a new job, I needed to look my best. Or if I didn’t find a new job soon, I needed to look good lying out by the pool; my new red swimsuit would do the job nicely. So, maybe I would have to eat ramen for the next week or two.
With my heavy load—I was embarrassed to say I had a dozen bags in my hand— I walked across my complex, only stopping for a second to pay homage to the pool. I needed spring now more than ever. Thankfully I lived on the first floor and not far from the parking lot. My sister reminded me again today that it would be even more convenient if I had a garage to pull into. I told her I would think about house shopping . . . maybe. I needed a job first. Oh, that thought hit me in the gut. I loved Chandler Media.
Before I turned toward my apartment, I noticed a man sitting on the other side of the pool in a suit and tie, staring down at his phone. My first thought was wow, someone is more desperate than me for the pool to open, but as I got closer and realized who it was, I thought of some other words I shouldn’t say out loud. I couldn’t believe Ian was here. I started double timing it to my apartment. Too bad the loud clicking and clacking of my heels alerted the jerk to my presence.
Ian stood hastily and headed my way.
I ignored him and kept walking toward my apartment, hoping he would accidentally fall in the pool, or better yet, go back to Colorado or wherever he came from. I assumed Colorado, because that’s wherehe had grown up and that’s what his license plate said, but who knew? I for one didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t here.
“Kelli,” he called out after me.
I continued to ignore him. We had nothing to say to each other. Well, I did have a diatribe I had been working on for years in case I ever saw him. It went something like, “If I could do it over again, I would have flunked calculus. Okay, maybe that’s pushing it a bit far, I would have settled for a C. But I wouldn’t have sat down at that library table. I wouldn’t have looked past your boring clothes and offish manners to see what I found or thought it was that I found—a kind soul with a giving heart. It was all a lie. You were a lie.”
I made it to my door and dropped my bags like they were hot potatoes so I could retrieve my key and punch in my security code like my life depended on it. Ian unfortunately had long legs and couldn’t take a hint. He made it to me just as I was punching in my last number.
I looked over to him and scowled. “I feel like I keep saying this to you today. What are you doing here? Better yet, how do you even know I live here?”
He ran his fingers through his hair.
Lucky fingers,I thought. What was wrong with my subconscious? We didn’t like him.
“You gave me no choice when you didn’t answer your phone.”
“Oh, you had a choice. You still do. I suggest you use it and leave, but first tell me how you know where I live.” That kind of creeped me out.
“I have access to all the employee files.”
I glared at him. “Well, I’m not an employee anymore.” My stupid voice cracked.
He sighed heavily. “Come on, Kelli, can you give me a break here? It’s been a long day.”
“And I should care, why?” I smirked.
I could tell he was ready to lash back, but he stopped himself, took a breath, and thought before he spoke. “Kelli, I’d like to talk to you about rescinding your resignation. Please,” he begged.
Wow. He sounded so downtrodden; I was curious why. “Fine, you have two minutes. Go.”
