Maverick’s eyes are closed, something he does when he’s listening intently. Trying so hard to capture every word.
After a moment, he nods to himself. “So, Hopper is your birth father?”
“Yeah.” I swallow thickly.
“You tried to tell me.” He taps his temple. “You said, ‘Not all the things that make this problematic are resolved by you getting older.’ This is what you meant, right?”
I nod. “I wanted to tell you. And I wanted to kiss you. And I didn’t think I could do both.”
He wipes his hand over his mouth, like maybe he’s trying to hide a smile.
“You volunteered at the summer camp because you thought Hopper would be there.”
He says this without accusation, but he’s clearly been thinking through each and every one of our interactions. I’ve been doing the same.
“Yes.”
His mouth turns down. “So I really was a complication with my shitty bouquet.”
“It wasn’t a shitty bouquet. You were just too young.” I worry the inside of my lip.
He rubs the back of his neck, like he’s considering my words.
His eyes finally meet mine. “Thank you for being honest.”
I stand there, terrified that any sudden movement will make him take flight again.
Instead, he asks, “How’s Uncle Hopper doing? This must’ve been so emotional for him, especially since they lost the pregnancy.”
“It’s very emotional. I hadn’t planned on telling him, but the conversation we were having… I knew I could go there. And I just… I wanted him to know who I am.”
I dash at my tears, annoyed that I can’t seem to get my shit together.
“So yeah. That’s why he called Liam, who called Anders.” I curse under my breath. “Though I think me leaving Hopper to chase you may have also been some kind of a trigger?”
Maverick lets out a rusty laugh. I hate it.
“I’m still causing you all kinds of complications, aren’t I?”
“Hey.” I grab his hands, pulling on them until he looks me in the eyes. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t regret telling him— I can’t. I’m just saying that I know he has a really shitty history, which impacts how he reacts to things.”
“You can’t control Hopper’s reaction.”
“I know.” I let his hands go and rake my fingers through my hair. “I just… I’ve waited for this day since I was in high school, and…it’s a fucking mess. I want him in my life, but I haven’t even told my parents that I’ve known who my birth father is for years.”
I’m fucking it all up.
“And I want you,” I continue, desperate to make him understand. “So much. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know how to put it all together.”
I bury my face in my palms, exhausted and strung out and terrified that everything I’ve ever wanted is slipping through my hands.
“I think you’re amazing. And I think he’s amazing. And I’m worried that after tonight, neither of you will want me in your lives.”
I can barely voice that last part, but something tells me I have to. That Maverick needs to know he’s not the only one who feels exposed and out of place.
As I’m overthinking every decision I’ve ever made in my life, strong arms surround me. I let out a wary breath and sink into his hold.
“Fuck,” Maverick says into my hair.
