“I didn’t say it was for you.”
The weighted silence that followed made Amie rush to stammer out, “I-I mean, it’s a mutual boundary. For all parties. It’s for the best.”
“For the best,” Ziya echoed, lying on her back. Amie did the same, even though she could never fall asleep in that position. She didn’t want to turn her back to Ziya, but she also couldn’t face her.
She was trying to determine whether it was too late to say goodnight when Ziya spoke again.
“Do you think it was for the best?”
“Hm?”
“Do you think it was for the best?” Ziya repeated. She clearly didn’t think Amie needed more context, and she was right.
“That we broke up?” Amie asked.
“Yeah. Now that some time has passed. Do you think it was the right move?”
Amie folded her hands on her stomach, twisting her fingers anxiously. “I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “You can’t … reallyknow, right? We don’t know how things would have continued if we’d stayed together. We can judge how things are now, but if this is thebestresult?” She shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know.”
“Hm.”
“Doyouthink it was for the best?”
“Um. Well … no.”
Amie sat up, her pulse quickening as she looked down at her. “No?”
Ziya continued staring at the ceiling. Her brows were drawn together, her mouth twisted into a frown.
“No,” she repeated. “I mean, you’re right, we don’tknow. And up until a few days ago I was able to convince myself that I was living my best life, even though I knew deep down that I was exhausted and lonely and miserable. I thought it was just one of those ‘time heals all wounds’ kind of situations.”
She finally met Amie’s eyes. “And time probably would’ve healed my wounds, eventually. I mean, it was only three months.” A small laugh. “But I’ve gotta admit, being with you has felt a lot better than sitting around waiting for time to start doing its fucking job on these wounds.”
Amie felt like she was teetering on the edge of a ravine, one that she so badly wanted to fall into.
“So what are you saying?” she asked quietly.
“I’m answering your question. I don’t think it was for the best. Maybe it was good at the time, because we learned from it, I don’tknow. But I can barely remember why it happened in the first place. It doesn’t feel … important anymore.”
Ziya sat up as she began to speak faster. “But those three months were hell for me and I don’t … I can’t go back to that. I want you in my life, in whatever way I can have you. If this is just how things are now, I’ll take it. If we need to have a pillow between us at all times, that’s fine with me. Two pillows, three pillows, I’ll even go back and sleep on your evil couch if it means that we can still—”
Amie leaned over the pillow and kissed her.
Chapter One?
Day ? I.L.
Two years had passed in the time loop. During the seven hundred and twenties, Amie had come to the decision that she’d stop keeping count after hitting two years. Deep down, she was hoping that such a large milestone would indicate the end of the time loop. But Day 730 came and went, and like clockwork, Day 731 followed, identical to all its predecessors.
It had been harder to stop counting than she’d expected. Amie woke up on Day 732 and thought,Day 732. Wait. No. Stop that.
The next day, it was,Day 733—HMMM HMMMM HMMMMM, as if humming loudly in her head would distract herself from remembering the number.
It took about a week (not that she was paying close enough attention to confirm this). Once she stopped trying to remember, the numbers became jumbled in her mind.
She’d finally lost count.
It was both freeing and terrifying. Freeing, because she could no longer be disappointed by milestones that brought no change.Terrifying, because the growing number of days had been her only way to keep track of the passing time she alone was experiencing. Without that number, she was floating in space, with no tether to the world as she’d once known it. She’d been fossilized alive in a way that no one else had ever been before (as far as she knew—even in the very depths of despair, Amie wasn’t going to make everything about her). And despite that stagnancy, she felt deeply, irreparably lost in time.
