Amie smiled at that. She knew sharing the reason for her distress would be going against her mission to be cool and normal, but Ziya was looking at her in a way that made her want to say something honest.
“I, um …” She paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say. “I went through a period of time when I wasn’t really considering … death. Or, like, really the permanence of anything at all. But recently it’s been hitting me just how little we can actually control in general, and how most times we can’t undo things, and death is, like … one of the biggest things we can’t undo.”
She shifted in her seat. “So … yeah. That’s probably it. Sorry for being a bummer.”
“You’re not being a bummer,” Ziya said softly.
“No, I am,” Amie asserted. “And I think I’m gonna be like this for a while, so if you want to head out, I understand.”
Ziya frowned. “Do you really think I’d just leave because you’re feeling down?”
“No, I know you wouldn’t,” Amie said. Strangely enough, the prickly feeling had begun to lessen. “That’s why I’m telling youthat it’s okay if you want to leave. I know you wanted to have a fun night, and I don’t want to waste your time—”
“Okay, can you stop?” Ziya asked, annoyance tingeing her words.
Unfortunately, Amie was on a roll. “I’m just saying, I do want us to be friends, but I’m just not sure I can be a good friend right now—not just to you, but, like, to anyone. Thankfully, David doesn’t really need much, so I’ll be okay—”
“Oh, but I’m so high maintenance?” Ziya was definitely annoyed now, Amie could tell. Somehow everything she was saying was just making things worse.
“No, no no, you’re not,” Amie said. “I mean—”
“No, it’s my turn to talk.” Ziya’s voice was sharp. “And since you seem so sure about whatI’mthinking, I’ll tell you whatyou’rethinking.”
Amie shrunk into her seat, chastened. “Okay.”
Ziya stared at her for a long moment. Amie stared back, wondering, if Ziya looked hard enough, if she’d be able to see the effects of the time loop. Could she tell how many days it had actually been for Amie since they’d broken up? Was there any sign that Amie had been on this date before? Did she see how many times Amie had tried to get this right?
“Whatareyou thinking?” Ziya finally asked, looking defeated.
Amie’s shoulders slumped.
At the same time, they both became aware of the rising volume of voices nearby, and looked over to identify the source of the noise.
A group of people were sitting around a table, their attention on three members of their party who were on their feet, arguing with each other.
“—because you’re a fucking liar!”
“Are you really gonna do this right now?Really?”
“Don’t talk to me like that—”
The other occupants of the table were calling for their companions to settle down as a host rushed over to address thesituation. The situation escalated to new heights as someone got pushed, a chair toppled, a waiter tripped, and a tray of dishes and glasses went crashing to the ground. The volume inside the restaurant skyrocketed as people stood to get a better look at the commotion.
Amie found herself glancing behind her, shoulders tightening like they were anticipating a tray of dishes to drop on her head any second.
Oh my god, breathe, she thought as her breaths came in fast and shallow.
“Dinner and a show,” Ziya deadpanned, turning back around.
Her expression dropped as she saw Amie gripping the table, shoulders hunched. “Are you okay?”
Run.
She couldn’t. Who knew what could happen between there and the door?
Stay.
She couldn’t. Who knew what could happen if she remained in that spot?
