Integrity.
What did it mean to me?
Apparently, not as much as I had made it out to be. I was still ducking for cover and hiding the truth of things from Dad. It was going to come back to bite me.
Chapter 24
Brooks
I was pretty much a fake myself. After I left the Walters house, I was relieved Mr. Walters hadn’t found out that I’d helped Brielle. I was also mad at myself for being hurt that Brielle hadn’t confided in me about her interview when I hadn’t been honest with her about the recruiter. I tried to brush it off. I mean, people didn’t get scholarships and get recruited to play baseball based on who they were dating. But, I couldn’t deny that they were looked at not just for their athletic abilities, but also their character. Were they team players? Did they take coaching well? All of that. I couldn’t have our dating relationship outed to the entire world that we’d completely faked it.
Andwerewe still faking it?
There were moments I swore that Brielle was sincere. That she really, actually did want me to be her boyfriend. If I knew that for sure, this would be easier. I could see myself actually dating Brielle. More than that, Iwantedto be with Brielle. But how did we move from doing each other a favor to actually being honest? We didn’t. That’s how. Because if I honestly told her how I felt, the poor girl would panic. I understood. There was safety in knowing she didn’t have toworry about my feelings. That she could just live the fake life and everything would be okay. Especially now that her interview was over.
But I still had my future to look at. I was potentially going to be analyzed and judged for my skills and character. Not to mention that stupid Lit extra credit project. If I didn’t score well there, buh-bye baseball, Coach would be super upset, and Dad? Well, he’d probably send me to West Point or something in order to prove to me that baseball was not a future.
“Did you see this video montage?” Jenessa shoved her phone in my face at the beginning of physics class.
Music played—of course, it was some dorky love song—and photos Jenessa had taken of Brielle and me swooped and faded and swiped and floated across the screen.
“Isn’t it cute?” Jenessa finished with a happy sigh.
“Why are you so obsessed with us?” I asked. I asked before I thought, really.
Jenessa’s eyes widened. “Oh!” she squeaked, drawing her phone toward her chest like she was protecting its feelings from my irritation.
“I mean—” I continued, taking out my stress on Jenessa. Who, if I was honest, really deserved it because she’s the one who took what I’d said to be friendly and turned it into public information.
“I’m not obsessed!” she protested. “Iadmireyou!” Her pouty, pink lips were shiny with gloss. I could smell it too. It smelled like watermelon. “You’re both so cute together.”
“Brielle doesn’t need me to be cute,” I muttered.
“See?” Jenessa waved her arm as if I’d made my point for her. “This is why you’re to die for, Brooks Mason. Every girl in school—in the world—wants to be Brielle. You’re sweet, and romantic, and thoughtful, and you dote on Brielle. It’s not fair. Not really. Why don’t you have brothers?” she ended with a dramatic sigh.
“Just—Can you lay off the videos?” I asked.
“Why?” she countered, narrowing her eyes. “Don’t you like the attention?”
“Not really.”
“But isn’t that good for your baseball career? I mean, think about it. Anything we do in our lives we’re not only going to be measured by our skills and our brains, but by our influence on social media.”
“I hope that’s not true.” The idea was nauseating.
“If you want any sort of public persona, it’s true.”
“I want to play baseball,” I retorted.
“Right.” Jenessa bobbed her head up and down. “So be cool, because they’re watching. If you play any major sport, you have to watch your public persona. Get used to it, Bruno.” She punched my arm. I have no idea why she called me Bruno. “Now, if for some reason you and Brielle weren’t really dating and you were just—fakingit, then that’d be its own scandal.”
There’s a kind of sick panic that fills a person when someone nosy like Jenessa hits on the truth for no reason and without intending to. But hearing it come out of her mouth was not unlike if I were told I’d never play baseball again. Horrifying.
I turned away from her in order to shut down the conversation.
“You’re good, right?” Jenessa leaned in as our teacher cleared their throat to start class. “I mean, you guys aren’t breaking up, or anything, are you?”
She sounded worried.
