He places his order at the counter before walking over to our table. If we were still together, I’d probably say something and it would become a whole dramatic thing. But we’re not, and honestly, his actions tell me just about everything I need to know.
He doesn’t care. Not about me.
“Sorry I’m late. I got held up at the arena with press and all that.”
“Okay.” I shrug like it isn’t a big deal.
He raises a brow in question and I can see he wants to say something, but thinks better of it. The barista calls his name, and he walks up taking his drink, ignoring the googly eyes she’s giving him.
Sitting back down across from me, he takes a sip and clears his throat. “So… this is pretty screwed up, right?”
I laugh because he nailed it on the head with that statement. It reminds me of something the old Trey would say. In the past, his answering smile would have melted all the ice around the heart, but today it’s just another confirmation that the feelings I had for him don’t exist anymore. “I know it’s still fresh for you, Trey, but before the baby comes I’d like to have a plan in place.”
His demeanor shifts as he takes in my serious tone and he nods, but he doesn’t speak.
“How are you feeling about all of this?”
“Kenzie, I don’t know how to feel. If I’m honest, I don’t want this. I don’t want to be a dad, especially right now. And after you told me you were pregnant, I realized fatherhood isn’t something I’ll ever want. That probably makes me sound horrible, but it’s the truth.”
A choked sob slips out, half of me is devastated for my child but the other half is relieved. I don’t want to be anyone’s obligation and Trey isn’t the man he used to be in the worst kind of way. A child doesn’t need to spend their life being manipulated and hurt by their father, or seeing him do that to their mother. I want better for my baby—and for me. We both deserve better.
“It’s okay, Trey. I don’t want to put you in a position that is going to hurt my child. This wasn’t planned and we clearly aren’t meant to be a family, so this is for the best. But what kind of role do you want to play? Do you even want one?”
“Listen, I live in California, and I can’t pretend to know where I will be next season, let alone years in the future. I just…Kenzie, I can’t do this.” A few tears fall from his eyes before wiping them away.
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t be a father to this kid. I will give you whatever money you need, but that’s all I can do.”
“You think I want your money?”
“Well why else would you bother with telling me about the kid, especially when you already have someone to fill the role of Dad?” He says that with a sneer and all the sympathy I felt for him is gone.
“I don’t know, Trey, because this is your child! I figured you’d want some sort of a relationship with them, but clearly I’m a fool once again. Don’t you dare bring Jordan into this. My relationship with him doesn’t stop you from being a father to your kid. Just be honest and tell the truth, you don’t want to! Don’t turn it on me, like I’m forcing you out.”
My whole body shakes and I can feel my heart rate pulsing hard and fast in my chest. I close my eyes and inhale slowly a few times to calm myself down. When I reopen my eyes, I see an unrecognizable man staring at me with no emotion.
“You’re right,” he says quietly. “I don’t want to. You can do whatever you want, I promise I won’t interfere with your parenting. I can give you child support, but I need you to promise that no one will know that this kid is mine. Publicly, I’ll never claim them.”
“I don’t want anything from you, Trey.”
“I won’t leave you high and dry without money. I have plenty of that, and it’s the least I can do.”
“I won’t take your hush money. I don’t know what the process is because I honestly can’t believe this is the conversation we’re having, but I’ll figure out how you can terminate your parental rights. Then you can move on—free and clear of any and all responsibility.
“But know this right now: you will never come near me or my child. Ever. This is your one and only shot. I won’t let my kid be pushed and pulled around by you.”
“I won’t change my mind. I can promise you that.”
“Fine.”
“I need you to answer one question, and I need the honest truth.”
“What is it, Trey?” My anger is simmering and I need to be careful so I don’t send my blood pressure skyrocketing.
“Did you cheat on me with Jordan when we were still together?” Forget simmering—anger is boiling over and my hands shake.
“Unbelievable. No, Trey, I never cheated on you. Not with Jordan, or anyone else for that matter.”
