“I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“I know, baby. Me either.”
“I’m going to miss you.” My voice cracks and tears fill my eyes. It’s a mix of pregnancy hormones and the ache in my heart at the thought of being across the ocean from Jordan. It’s been a whirlwind, but this is real and right.
“Don’t cry, Mack.” Jordan wipes my tears away and cups my cheek in his hand. I lean into his warm palm.
I see his eyes water as he tries to blink and keep the tears at bay. “I’ll see you soon, Mack. Just a few weeks and then we can move forward together.”
I turn my mouth and kiss the inside of his hand before he runs it through his soft hair like he’s about to do something he is dreading. Then he’s pulling my hand to his mouth, returning the intimate gesture as he kisses the center of my palm.
We hold onto each other as long as we can, before he gets another reminder his ride is waiting outside. Finally, he leaves one lingering kiss on my forehead before he walks out the door, shutting it softly behind him.
I lock it, turn, and head straight to the bedroom to lie down. Tears fall freely down my face and I let the sadness take over for a few minutes. Slowly, the sobs stop and my tears dry. Even though Jordan had to leave, my heart soars at the knowledge that we will be together in a few short weeks.
My body is exhausted, but my mind feels lighter and freer than it has in months, years even. I fall asleep to the memory of that kiss and the words Jordan left me with.
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
JORDAN
“Merry Christmas!” I shout as I walk into my family home on Christmas Eve, a chorus of cheers erupting from the living room. I’m the last one here—practice let out late, and I had to drive an hour from Charlotte—but I made it.
I look around, taking in my parents, Reagan, Riggs, and his mom, Nora. My favorite people, all together. Well—missing a few. One in particular. Mackenzie is probably my favorite person in the world—and in a little over a week, I can finally show her.
Shaking off thoughts of her, I jump into the middle of the group, hug everyone, then drop my gifts under the tree. A few minutes later, my mom follows me upstairs to my childhood bedroom so I can drop my duffel. I know it’s her—she always needs her moment with me, and honestly, I need mine with her, too
I’ve just thrown my duffel on the bed when she shuts the door behind her. “My boy, you look good. I’m so happy to see you back home.”
I smile at that. “Mom, I only live an hour away, you come to all my home games. We see each other a lot.”
“It doesn’t matter. Having both my babies home for Christmas is all I could wish for, so you let me dote on you.” I laugh and hug her. Her tiny frame disappears against mine, but her squeeze is tight, and I hear her sniffle.
“Mom, are you crying?”
“Tears of happiness. I promise.” I look down at her, and sure enough her eyes are overflowing.
“What’s going on?” I know she’s emotional, but not typically a big crier. That’s usually my sister’s thing.
“Nothing, sweetie. It’s just special to have everyone here.”
“Okay—well, I love you, Momma.”
“Love you, too baby boy. We better get downstairs—dinner is waiting.”
Christmas Eve is always special at our house. Mom goes all out, making everyone’s favorite dishes. There’s ham, mashed potatoes, rolls, three different salads, and more dessert than we could ever eat.
When we were little, we’d get presents from our grandparents and Christmas pajamas before heading to bed. Now, my mom forces us into matching pajamas, and we watch my all-time favorite Christmas movie:Home Alone.
After dinner, we move into the living room, but Mom doesn’t go for the tree. Instead, she sits beside my dad on the couch and takes his hand.
Nora—Riggs’s mom—takes a seat on the opposite side of the room, in one of the leather recliners we usually fight over. I take the seat beside her, and she grabs my hand in a loving squeeze. Nora is like a second mother to me, as supportive of me as she is of her own son.
I hear giggling as my sister enters behind Riggs, holding hands. I’ve never seen her happier than she is with him. It’s why I didn’t stop him when he started pursuing her. He makes her happy, and despite the obstacles they faced, they made it through together.
I’m thrilled for my twin, but it also causes an ache in my own heart. It’s a feeling I’ve noticed more and I think I’ve figured out what it is. I want what they have: a love so big and bright that it fills all the darkness inside me with light. The kind of love that survives the worst moments and basks in the best. It’s what my parents have always had, and my sister has found. I’m ready for it and I know who I want it with.
