“Meow. Meow. Meow-meow-meow!”My lips twitch as I glance down at Tulip. She lifts up on her back legs, rubs her face against my leg.
“I’ll scratch you in a minute,” I murmur. “Right now my hands are dirty.”
I’m making bread.
Yup.
Bread.
It’s been two weeks since that night at the winery and I haven’t left this freaking apartment.
Because Pascal says it’s not safe yet.
I’ve met with a therapist three times. The first was because Rory showed up with a laptop and logged me on to the virtual visit before leaving the apartment.
The next two were because I found it to be helpful.
Look, I’m not a stunted adult trapped in my childhood.
It was shit. It was abusive. It was wrong. I had plenty of time on my own to understand that much.
Does it make sense to me?
No.
Do I understand why my parents, why my grandfather couldn’t love me?
No.
What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I enough?
Lots of big feelings and old hurts and things I wish I could pretend didn’t still bother me.
The only piece that makes sense, the doesn’t hurt like it once did, is…Brooks. I understand why he did what he did. It makes sense. I would have done the same thing to protect him.
All that matters is that he’s back now and I’ve decided to stay and, aside from the fact that we haven’t kissed since that night a few weeks ago, I have my best friend back.
“Meow!”
“Almost ready, Tulip,” I say as River bustles into the room.
“How’s it coming, sweetheart?” she asks.
And maybe this woman—along with the rest of the family that Brooks has built over the last five years—is part of why I feel okay, even though I spent ninety minutes this morning unpacking emotional baggage with my therapist.
Because River has been here every day.
At first I thought it was because that was her job, to be here every day. It felt like overkill—even with the kittens, Brooks and I didn’t make that much of a mess, and it’s not like there isn’t plenty of food in the house. Then I realized she only appeared when Brooks had to go into the office.
And I knew it was a silent message from Brooks to me.
He’s not leaving me alone, not ever again.
Hot cocoa and movie nights. Popcorn andThe Princess Bride.Dinners and breakfast together and…Brooks carrying me to bed every single night.
Us.
Albeit without kisses or other reminders that “our time hasn’t passed.”
