Then, he pushes me out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I LIE ON my back in human form, my fists clenching as I stare up at the starry night. I can’t stop the flow of tears. I’ve failed. I have no chance of getting near Zhoric now. No chance of stopping him. And what’s worse, I don’t know what he’s going to do with the ravaged. I have to get up, but my body feels heavy and burdensome.
Inside, my dragon paces. I could let her out if I wanted. She’s close to the surface and it would be so simple to unleash her and let her take her place in my skin. Somehow, though, that feels like hiding. If I were to armor myself with her scales and get close to the divinity she represents, all these feelings inside me would dim and change. I would feel restless in a different way and for now…for now I don’t want that.
“Kaisa?” Ozias’s voice rings across thereceiving room to the landing I’m still laying on. Footsteps hurry to my side.
His firm hands grip my shoulders and pull me up.
My glazed eyes catch in his golden stare. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?” he asks. I look away and he gives me a gentle shake. “What happened?”
I shut my eyes. “I’ve ruined everything.”
“How?” Ozias implores. I can sense his face close to mine, and when I open my eyes all I see are his, full of concern.
“He told me to stay away. For good this time. It’s over.”
“No. No, Kaisa.” Ozias doesn’t let me look away, holding my gaze, holding my face. “You did it. You can bond with him now, no force necessary.”
My brows pinch together. “I don’t understand.”
“He’s pushing you away. To protect you. You’ve done something we didn’t even consider possible.”
My breathing is shallow. “Oh.” It hadn’t occurred to me that’s why he’d do what he did. But now that I think of it, of course it is. Why am I putting myself in danger and at risk? For the love I have for Ninon. For my people. Why do we do anything in this life if not for that? Of course, there’s still a good chance Zhoric is lying. Pretending to love me so that when the time comes, he can enact the bond first. It would be safer for me to believe that.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “It’s all well if he…feelssomething for me, but how will I ever get close to him now that he wants me to stay away?” It doesn’t matter that our bond is strong and ready to enact if I can’t get near him to do anything with it.
Ozias considers this, both of us looking out over the Sere. The dawn is arriving and with it another dust storm rises from the deep Sere. I remember each storm season well, and with it a gnawing hunger. Ninon’s mother passed during a storm. The hunger along with our grief brought Ninon and I closer than before. I cannot lose her.
“There will be no more deaths,” I say. He turns to me, waiting, expectant. “The storms are coming for the season. Prepare everything you need. I’ll master shifting at will andduring the day, under the cover of a storm, I’ll go to his rooms and wait for him.”
“And Thrace and Zhoric’s wards?”
“If he wants to protect me like you believe, they’ll let me in. Or else I’ll pull enough power into me to tear it down.” When Ozias doesn’t protest, I know he believes it would work.
“You are strong and wise. It’s a good idea, but it won’t be possible for you in so short a time.”
My frown is deep, unpleasant, and I’m about to tell him he doesn’t know what I’m capable of when he stops me.
“You won’t have to shift at will,” Ozias says. “I’ll go with you, and you can pull my power to maintain your form. I won’t let you put yourself unnecessarily at risk.”
“And you shouldn’t leave the Realm when it will be most at risk.”
“This is my burden as well as yours, Kaisa. I can replicate Thrace’s shield. I’ll make sure we arrive safely.”
I’m shaking my head. “You can’t though. Not with me. Not when I’m taking your power. Otherwise you would have done it when we were coming back from the beach.”
A flick of hesitation before his expression turns calculating. “Then that’s what we’ll practice. You holding your form while I maintain the shield. That, at least, we can accomplish.”
My features soften on a sigh. I’m so used to being the one caring for others, that to have it given to me so freely is a welcome relief. I shouldn’t take it for granted.
“I’ll gather our people this afternoon, and we’ll officially announce our plan. During the next big storm, we’ll have volunteers ready to send to Nevoba to warn them of the coming change and evacuate them from the caves while you and I go to Dyeus.”
I nod. “It’s so soon and yet so far.”
