I frown. I’m inclined to presume that’s my position with Zhoric, but the only emotion I hold for him is seething rage, and I’m fairly certain the closest emotion he feels for me is mild annoyance. Then again, he did stop me from incidentally ending my own life.
I skim through again, taking note of this line:Physical sensations are possible in mind walking if unbonded, though rare or often fleeting. Once bonded, physical sensations between the pair is possible. I click my tongue with the side of my teeth. No wonder my hand passes through nearly everything I’ve touched.
I flip back to the index and skim the topics until I find what I’m looking for:Unwanted or unintentional mind walking. When I find the page, I find the section that directly relates to unintentional mind walking.
Sometimes, particularly with strong potential bonds, one or both parties may unintentionally mind walk. Typically, these unintentional sessions occur when one or both parties are slumbering.
That explains enough, but I want to know how to stop from going to him. I continue reading through the page, but one thing becomes clear; I won’t stop going to him until whatever emotion that’s tying me to him stops. Does that mean I have to feel nothing towards him? I don’t know how I’m going to let go of my anger.
I groan in frustration and give the next few pages a cursory scan before I notice a line about enacting a bond:
Bonds are easier to enact once each partner feels emotionally connected to the another. Often, potential pairs will attempt mind walking prior to enacting a bond to ensure they are thoroughly connected to produce an easy bonding experience. For more on enacting bonds, see Vierna lo Draconem, b.y. 3648 pd, m. Sosia
None of the books in my pile are the one referenced. It must be one Ninon took with her. My pulse ticks in my veins with the sudden desire to know how to bond, to know what to expect.
I read the next few passages, but dread seizes my lungs as one thing becomes plainly clear—a bond is rooted in love. Familial, friend, and most often, romantic love. It makes sense. Ozias did say bonds were secondarily for reproducing and wouldn’t creating and raising a child together be easier with someone you were connected with? Which means, the more emotionally connected Zhoric is to me, the more easily I can bond with him. I let the book lower to my lap, my mind churning. Ozias and Atlanta are hoping I’m strong enough to force the bond on Zhoric, but figuring out my strength—my elahi—has been slow. I wonder if it would be possible to make Zhoric feel something for me sooner than we can figure out my power. I wonder if I can seduce him, trick him, into bonding with me.
Intent on testing my theory, I go into the night to try my hand at being friendly with him, or at least, not entirely antagonistic. Only he’s not there. There’s a feeling of his nearness, but wherever he is, I can’t seem to access him.
Two more nights pass, and I wait for him, but he never shows.
I’ve gone through an unnecessary array of emotions regarding this matter. On edge, at first, wondering when he’d waltz in. Glad, because maybe it’s best if I don’t see him after all. Annoyed, because if he were around, then maybeI’d be able to do something.
I would have spent my time flying, exploring more of my dragon form, but Ninon is still too weak to stay awake when she shifts at night. Ozias wants me to take to the skies, explaining it will help me further connect to my dragon form, but I can’t bear to leave her side. He told me Atlanta gets like that sometimes where she’ll go through phases where the nights are hard and all she can do is sleep. I could tell his concern ran deep when he told me, which only made me worry all the more for Ninon.
Ninon is frustrated that I won’t leave her side. It’s not often that she’s truly upset with me, but I explained it has nothing to do with her. That it’s something I’m waiting for us to do together, because that’s what I want. I don’t mention that it’s also because I’m terrified for her. Afraid that one morning she might not wake up.
During the day, Ozias and Atlanta have been taking turns helping me meditate. Our goal is to get me to a place where I can shift at will. I fall into a rhythm with my meditations, more determined than ever.
Now, three days after the incident and as many nights with no meetings with Zhoric, Ozias walks onto his terrace where I wait for him.
“No more scars,” I say, looking at the sleek skin of his lower arm and hand. Not a single mark mars his skin, though it is several shades paler than his usual sun-kissed tone.
He fans his hands elegantly before curling them into a fist, studying the new appendage. On the edge of his palm is a smudge of black ink. “Delighted that you’ve been looking so closely at me.”
I raise a brow, though a thrill runs through me. “I always look for scars. Tells a lot about someones weaknesses.”
Ozias moves towards me then, stepping so close that I have to tilt my head back to maintain eye contact. “My lack of scars says more about my weakness than my scars ever did, I think.”
The meaning behind his words is like a gentle caress and I suppress a shiver. “Care to elaborate on that?”
“A dragon gets scars as easily as our human forms, and with our line of work, scars are an inevitability. The only way our scars disappear is if we’ve needed to regenerate something new after it was torn away,” he says, nodding down to his arm. “If a draconem is lacking scars been broken in ways you can’t imagine. The question you’ll want to ask then, iswhy.”
The conversation Thrace and I had back in Dyeus comes rushing back to me, his words filling my brain, his admission of falling in love with my sister. I wanted to deny it then. Dragons don’t love. But I read Atlanta’s words. I know my own affection and the way I feel towards those I love—and I am a dragon. So what I once thought was impossible is now a stark reality. And I can either face it and accept it—or run from it.
“What are you thinking?” Ozias asks, eyes scanning my face as if he could read me as easily as one of his books.
My pulse jumps and I answer with the nearest truth I care to share. “Thrace.”
His eyes shutter, a slight tic of his facial muscles making the freckle under his left eye flex. “Ah, yes. Exactly what every man wants to hear; another’s name on the lips of the woman he’s desperately attracted to.”
My pulse flies into a full gallop at his candor. “I meant, I was thinking about him and my sister,” I clarify. “He said he loved her, but what would he do for her? Does he love her enough to keep her from harm?”
The back of Ozias’s fingers brush my cheek, light and tender. “You needn’t worry. He would do anything for her.”
“You can’t possibly know that,” I say, the heat of my anger scorching my skin. “He couldn’t even get word to her after the birth of her children, after he took her son. He told me so himself. That doesn’t sound like a man who would do anything for someone he claims to love.”
“It’s complicated in Dyeus. The draconem there aren’t supposed to choose a carremai they could bond with. It would complicate things for Dyeus because the men there would be compelled to bond with them, which in turn would unleash her dragon. Most of the elites agree withthis situation, but a few are not. Some believe that by not choosing the best possible mate, we’re not only weakening future generations, but setting something else in motion, too.”
