CHAPTER TWELVE
“LAY BACK AND relax,” Ozias’s voice soothes. “We’ll go easy this first time.”
I do as he says, keeping my eyes trained on his form standing over me until I’m on my back, knees raised, hands resting on my stomach. We’re on the terrace off of his private room, much of it covered overhead with a thick canopy of vines and those curling leaves in the shape of fans. They sway in the gentle mid-morning breeze, a soothing rustle drawing my notice, even if my brain is a maelstrom of thoughts, my emotions a thunderous riot beneath my skin. Being still when I feel like I ought to move, to do something, is its own sort of torture.
“Find comfort in your body.”
I’m about as comfortable as a dying saiga in the midday sun with a vulture wheeling overhead.With Ozias slowly pacing around my form, I’m sure we resemble precisely that. My fingers twitch as my head ticks from side to side and up and down, trying to find a comfortable spot to rest the back of my skull.
“Findstillness.”
Air whooshes out of my nostrils as I lock down my muscles. I manage to keep myself immobile for a few more moments before rolling back my shoulders. As it turns out, remaining motionless is no easy feat for me. Have I always been this way? Being in my own head while riding Aspa or skulking around the corridors of home is one thing, but to keep my body still while trying to clear my mind feels a bit like slicing the pad of my thumb with a knife. On purpose. Repeatedly. I breathe deep and attempt to empty my head of thought. My delicately pointed ears pick up the sound of his pacing, footsteps landing beside my hips, torso, my shoulder, drawing closer and closer to my head.
“Perhaps comfort would come more easily,” I grind out, “if you weren’t within a hair’s breadth from stepping on me.”
“Distraction is a facet of shifting you’ll always contend with. Noticing your distractions and learning to keep them at bay will get you one step closer to transforming at will.” He lands a step close to the side of my head, nearly scraping my ear, sending a wave of anxiety through me so fierce I react blindly. My hand darts up, clasping onto his ankle as I kick up. One leg swings around his front to put force against his hip while I use the thigh of my other leg to trip him behind the knee. Using the force I generated on the upswing, I drive him down while grabbing his wrist with my free hand. As he falls to the ground, he lands with a loud groan, and the momentum and my hold on his wrist propels me upwards so that I’m hovering over his form, our limbs tangled.
Under my control, he jerks his head up off the ground and bares his teeth. “Whatwas that?”
“Taking out the distraction,” I hiss, lunging further into his space. “Step that close to me again and I’ll choke you out.”
A salacious smile slips across his face. “Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”
“Don’t make the mistake of convincing yourself I don’t keep my promises. It might not work out so well for you,” I shoot back.
His smile stays plastered to his face, his eyes lighting with mirth. “Fair, but it was still a dirty shot.”
I lean back a little, but don’t let go. “Dirty or not, perhaps if you were good at multitasking, you could have stopped me.”
“Who says I couldn’t have stopped you?”
My mouth opens to protest, but remembering how fast and strong Alixor was and whathedid to Alixor., Of course Ozias could have stopped me if he wanted.
“And,” he adds, raising up on his elbows, putting us closer again, “I’ll gladly show you exactly how good I am at multitasking if you’re set on convincing yourself I don’t know what I’m doing.”
The dark look in his eyes, his attention fully focused on me, on my mouth, has my mind imagining roving hands and lips, tongue and teeth, all working in tandem across my body. This close to his face, I notice the mark near his left eye is a near perfect circle. His smile broadens and I can only huff out a laugh as I push away from him, sitting back onto my haunches so that he’s no longer nestled between my legs. My eyes sweep down the long line of his body and back up to see a lazy, crooked smile and a raised brow.
“Ah. Another distraction,” I say, smoothing back my hair. I scoot away from him and lie back down, trying to get comfortable. I breathe out again, and close my eyes. “Very clever.”
The rustle of his clothes alerts me to his movement, then his hot breath caresses the soft shell of my ear. “This wasn’t the sort of distraction I had in mind for today, but it works just as well. And, it’s more enjoyable.” His voice is a sultry murmur and I squirm at the sound. “However, seeing as it is causing you some distress, I’ll try to keep my distance.”
My body awakens, tingling bumps raising up along myarm, across my chest, as if reaching for him. Traitorous body. I breathe out. “See that you do.”
“I think I can manage as long as your legs don’t wrap around me again.” This time his words are farther away.
I hum out a laugh and crack an eye open to see him standing above me. “Then it’s probably best not to give me a good reason to.”
He says nothing for a moment, face now serious. “Yes, that’s probably for the best.” I open my eyes completely to watch him continue circling me, this time staying a little farther from my body, but not by much. He’s silent again, allowing the room to settle after my outburst.
“Once you can relax into yourself, you’ll find that you can reach out to your dragon. Or perhaps you already feel her call?” His voice surrounds me as he continues his stride and I close my eyes, attempting to shut out the draw I feel towards him.
I do as he says, reaching down within me to find my inner dragon, but she’s quiet. It feels like she’s…resting. My mind turns to those moments when the sun fades and the moon rises, when I feel the beast awaken and crawl to the surface of my skin, bursting out along my seams. I recall feeling myself holding onto my human form, this comparatively frail body and complicated mind. I know I’m afraid in the moments right before I change. Afraid of those teeth, those scales, the spikes along my spine, and the sharp claws of my hands. After years of killing this thing I’ve become, I am both afraid to face what I’ve done, and what I must now live with. I spent years jealous of what these creatures could do but I could not. Years fearing them. Years hating, what turns out, is myself.
Venom, hot and cloying, rushes through my veins thinking of the Sar Dyeus and what he’s done to me. To my people. Ozias says I can take him down. Bond with him. Steal his power. Break the curse. Then I’ll be free. My people will be free. I can take to the skies and never look back. I can—
“Your mind is wandering.” Ozias’s words break me from my musings. Sucking in a steady flow of air, I drawmy mind back to my body.
“Feel yourself on the ground, sinking into the earth. Notice what you hear, what you smell. Take stock of your physical presence in the world. How you fill up the space. Imagine taking up more and more space, becoming more and greater still.”
