CHAPTER FIVE
NINON IS NOT in our meeting place when I come home. The space has been cleaned out, save for the lingering stench creating the tincture left behind. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach. I can’t explain it, but something inside is screaming at me to find Ninon.
I scramble out of our hiding spot, the sun lighting the horizon, chasing away the cold, dark night. The northern sector is a mess from the gathering with the farmers that night, snores and soft, sensual sounds emanating from their rooms. They’ll be up soon, preparing for the long journey back to the farms below Dyeus.
I race through the halls, trying to stay silent on my feet as I enter the corridor of sleeping chambers. I walk into her room, telling myself I’ll see her wrapped in blankets on her bed, book in hand. “Ninon?” I whisper intothe darkness. All the sleeping chambers have a cutout in the ceiling to let in light, but the hunters usually cover it to sleep during the day. I reach up to the center of the room, fingers grasping the fabric she’d tacked up to cover the opening, and rip it down. My heart stops in my chest at the sight of her empty bed. Her room is clean, as usual, but it’s missing things. Clothes. A few books. Her satchel. All gone.
My chest rises and falls, trying to catch the breath that keeps escaping my mouth, too hot and too fast. I turn in a slow circle. She must be somewhere else in the compound.No, she’s not.Maybe she went to get food.No, she didn’t. Maybe she—
My eyes catch on a book, pulled a little out of place from the ones left behind. It’s not like Ninon to leave her books anything less than perfectly aligned. I reach for it, and pull it all the way out. Behind it is a bottle the length of my palm and two fingers wide with liquid inside, a golden hair stick, and a note.
I grab the note and ignore the rest.
Kaisa,
Dab one drop of tincture under your tongue daily. Rinse with mint water directly after to neutralize the odor.
The hair stick is a gift, and like you, it is beautiful, but deadly. Wear it.
I won’t say goodbye. You know where to find me.
-N
My ribcage billows as I try to catch my breath. I knew something was off with her. I knew and still I did nothing. I curse, taking the hair stick in my hands, the part that goes into my hair sharpened to a point. The gold ornament was fashioned to resemble one of the leaves that float on the wind to us when the weather is cooler, the shape like a fan. Ninon collected them when we were younger, pressing leaves between the pages of her books. I hold the ornament end in my fist, the point threading nicely between my fingers. I suppose if lodged in the correct spot, it could kill. She doesn’t trust the men of Dyeus, despite their good nature. We both agreed on that. Still, I can’t imagine killing any one of them, and this weapon is not for hunts. Icarefully slip it in my ponytail for now.
My fingers shake as I take the tincture from her shelf. The liquid is thick, like oil, and dark green in color. I won’t open it until I take my first dose tonight since I’m not sure if or how the air might affect it. My hands suddenly feel heavy and my arms drop down to my sides, but I hold on tight to Ninon’s gifts. She’s gone. She’s really gone and I know where she went, but I can’t do anything about it. I squeeze my eyes shut and let my head fall back, the dawn’s morning light filtering over my face. I can’t help but wonder if I pushed this on her, that I asked too much in having her make the contraceptive. If she worried for her safety and fled to keep herself out of harm’s way, I’d hate myself. I don’t understand why she would think the Realm of Rogues was any safer than here, despite what we witnessed with the rogue the other morning. What did she know that she didn’t tell me?
“Why?” I whisper, my voice cracking. Why didn’t she tell me? Why did she leave me? But I was leaving her first, wasn’t I? By going to Dyeus, not knowing when I’d return. Who else does Ninon have but me? Kalixta has her child now. And Ninon, she has no one and nothing here. Not really. She only had me. And I wasn’t enough to get her to stay. I curse and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. I pocket the note and the tincture and walk out of her room, but I’m pretty sure my heart stays there as I leave.
When I enter Kalixta’s room, her eyes widen seeing me and she opens her mouth, but Mother is in there too and I give my sister a subtle shake of my head. Her mouth closes.
“Kaisa, there you are, where have you been?” our mother chastises. “Look at the mess you are. Go get cleaned up; Alixor will surely be here soon to collect you.”
“The message he sent said mid-morning,” I murmur, recalling the missive I’d received from Dyeus yesterday afternoon.
Mother clicks her tongue. “You’ll need nearly that much time to prepare.”
“Mother,” Kalixta says, interrupting her. “I think I need some more balm. Would you mind going to get it?”
Our mother looks between the two of us and sighs. “Give her some advice on how to behave while in Dyeus, hm?” she says before striding out of the room.
I listen as her footfalls disappear down the hall.
“What is it?” Kalixta whispers, grasping my arm with her free hand as I sink down to sit beside her.
I open my mouth and no sound comes out. How can I say the words? How can I speak the truth when I don’t want to believe it? “She’s gone.”
Kalixta searches my face, fingers going to her mouth. “Ninon?”
“Oh, she’s alive,” I assure her, realizing she might think Ninon dead. I suck in a breath. “Or at least, I hope she is. She left, Kal.”
“Where would she…” Kalixta shakes her head, brows furrowing, then she mouths her guess. “To the Realm?”
My lips are pulled tight as I nod.
The girl in her arms squirms and Kalixta rocks her gently from side to side. “I see.” I’m a little surprised when she doesn’t have more to say on it that. I get a needling feeling that she knows something that I don’t, but I don’t want to cause her undue stress, so I keep my questions to myself. She watches me carefully, and I hate the look of agony on her face. “Are you still going to Dyeus?”
I huff out sigh, trying to dissolve the sobs stuck in my throat. “It’s not like I have a choice. I can’t run away.” I run the back of my hand down her cheek. “And I can’t leave you.”
