Matteo leans in, lowers his voice."You want to get out of here?Maybe grab something at the bar next to your place?"
His eyes are honest.Open.
He is confident, but not arrogant.
Seductive, but not pushy.
And I feel terrible.He is a self-centered macho, but a perfect gentleman at the same time.Refusing him would have been easier if he had turned out to be a jerk.
Suddenly, I realize the real reason I´m sitting here with him.
Just to prove something to someone who isn't even here.
What a despicable person I am.
"You know what?"I say, my voice softer than I intended."I think I'm calling it a night."
He blinks once.Pauses.Then recovers fast.
"Of course.Another time, maybe."
He stands and helps me into my coat.Kisses my cheek.
He watches me for a beat.A little confused.Unsure why the spark didn't land.
I thank him.Force one last smile.Then turn away the moment I'm out of sight.
I walk fast.Head down.
Wanting to get behind a corner as fast as possible.
I don't know what stings more, that I wanted to feel something tonight.Or that I didn't.
Leaving the restaurant was supposed to be a graceful exit.Disappearing like a woman whohad better things to do.Clean.Dignified.
Instead, I stepped outside the pub into a blizzard.
Actual, honest-to-God, horizontal-snow, slap-you-in-the-face blizzard.
Fine, I thought.It's Switzerland, not Kamchatka.There are taxis.There are always taxis.
There were no taxis.
Not one.
The app spun and spun like it was loading the entire history of mankind.Then it glitched.Then it died.
No problem.I still had… 4% battery.
I messaged Maddie:Worst date of my life.Matteo talked about his skis like they were his children.
And then my phone died too.
I stood there for a moment, on a cobbled Wengen street, wearing a silk blouse, tights, and boots that werefashion boots, notweather boots.A strong wind tried to undress me.Somewhere, a snowplow laughed.Too far up the slope to bother saving the damsel.
I could almost hear my own voice narrating it in post:She wanted to feel powerful.She got frostbite instead.
I would rather freeze than return to the pub and ask Matteo for help.
