Her gaze fell again, unable to meet his, as her heart betrayed her resolve. She tried to anchor herself, to convince herself that he only needed a mother for his children. Nothing more. That was all it was. He was trying to make it work, so there would be no friction between them. She had to make sure she did not forget that.
Why else would he be so nice to her?
As Lucy shut her eyes, trying to gather her scattered thoughts, a sudden, tingling touch brushed against her skin. Rowan’s fingers, warm and surprisingly soft, moved to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The contact was electric in its simplicity, sending a quick, unexpected thrill up her arm and making her chest tighten. She drew in a sharp breath, startled by how acutely aware she suddenly became of him, of the closeness, of the warmth of his hand lingering just a moment longer than necessary.
“Are you all right, Lucy?” he asked softly, almost in a whisper. “You suddenly look pale.”
To top it off, the sound of his voice in that tone sent another shiver up Lucy’s spine. Her pulse leapt, and a warmth spread through her cheeks. She flinched instinctively, as if the closeness had startled her body as much as her mind. Swallowing hard, she pressed a hand to her lap, trying to steady the rapid thrum of her heart, but the tingling warmth lingered.
“I’m fine,” she said, lifting her gaze to meet his for a brief moment. “I understand the situation, and I… I appreciate your concern, but you need not trouble yourself over such matters.”
Rowan’s eyes studied her for a long moment, searching, and she felt the intensity of his eyes on hers. He was searching for something. She could see it in the way he peered into her eyes so deeply.
“I told you,” she continued, her voice firmer, “I’ll honor our agreement. I’ll do my duty by the children.”
For a heartbeat, his expression faltered. His lips pressed into a thin line, and his gaze sharpened, darkening so much that it made her stomach lurch. The teasing ease she had grown used to vanished, replaced by something almost dangerous that pressed against her chest and made her pulse pound.
“I was not speaking of the arrangement,” he said quietly. “Nor of the boys. I was asking whether you are well.”
Lucy inhaled slowly. She could not allow herself to answer that honestly.
“That is precisely why I must speak of it,” she said instead. “Because the boys are what matters. Everything that has brought us here exists because of them. Because they needed a mother and because you needed someone willing to be that for them.”
Her voice steadied as she went on, even as her chest tightened. “I will never forget that. I would never allow myself to.”
Rowan’s mouth opened, his expression sharpening. “Lucy, what?—”
She shook her head, gently but firmly, forcing herself to finish. “You need not worry about me. Or concern yourself with my comfort. Or speak to me kindly out of obligation. I gave you my word, and I intend to keep it. I will do my part. I will not go back on what I promised.”
There was a long moment where he simply looked at her with clenched jaw, as though he were holding back words that pressed hard against his restraint.
Before he could speak, footsteps thundered across the lawn.
“Father!” Anthony called, already reaching for him. “You must play again!”
Brook followed, laughing. “You’re much better now; you can’t stop!”
Rowan hesitated only a second before allowing himself to be pulled away, but before he turned fully, his eyes returned to Lucy, lingering there with a seriousness that she could not bring herself to look at.
She remained seated, hands clasped tightly together, her breath shallow. Only when they were gone did she allow herself a single, unguarded breath.
Lucy had known confusion before. She had stood at a crossroads, weighed choices, and undone mistakes she had once made in haste. She had questioned herself, corrected herself, and learned to live with the consequences of her decisions.
But this moment was different.
This was the most confused she had ever been in her life, and what unsettled her most was not the confusion itself but the fact that she could not name it. She could not locate it, could not grasp its cause. It hovered just beyond her understanding, heavy and insistent.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“We need to talk.”
Lucy did not startle at the sound of Rowan’s voice. She went very still instead, her fingers resting lightly against the edge of the desk, her breath catching, but it had nothing to do with shock.
She had known this was coming.
From the moment he had looked at her in the garden, from the instant his expression had shifted at her careless choice of words, she had understood that he would not allow it to lie. Rowan was not a man who let discomfort linger unresolved, not when it concerned something that mattered to him.
What she had not done was decide how she would face it.
