The next time that I do, the mask is going to stay off because that is the man whom I want to be married to, and that is the man who might make me happy.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Will you do me a favor, Alistair, and not point that gun right at my face?” Theodore winced and dodged his head out of the way of Alistair’s pointed rifle.
“Will you do me a favor and not walk directly into my line of sight?” Alistair responded coolly, keeping his rifle aimed.
“It would not be a problem if you didn’t aim it like a blind man walking down a dark alley.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means, what are you even pointing it at?” Theodore snorted. “Afraid the tree is going to suddenly attack you?”
“I heard something!”
“The only sound I hear is your runaway heart thumping inside your chest,” Theodore drawled. “We’re hunting swallows, Alistair, not bears. There’s no need to be scared.”
“I am not scared.” Alistair swung around to confront Theodore, bringing his rifle with him.
“Wow!” Theodore jumped out of the way again. “Will you put that thing down? Christopher?” Theodore found Christopher trailing behind them. “Care to weigh in?”
“Not really,” Christopher said absently.
What I want is to return to last evening and exercise better self-control. What I want is to be able to go back in time and deny Rose’s request to marry me, saving me from being in this position in the first place!
Hindsight was a strange bedfellow. When Christopher had agreed today to go hunting with his friends, he had thought it would be a good idea. A chance to get out of the house, away from his wife, and clear his mind.
Frustratingly, no sooner had he and his two friends arrived on the outskirts of the forest than Christopher came to realize that what he needed wasn’t to go hunting with his friends, but to be alone with his thoughts so that he might consider what he did and then find some way to rationalize it.
That’s what he was trying to do right now.
Alistair and Theodore were happy to take the lead as they trekked through the dense forestry, slowly tracking a flight of swallows, while Christopher stayed back, silent, unpacking the previous night’s events in painstaking detail.
Unfortunately, the more he went over what happened between himself and Rose, the more Christopher came to realize how much trouble he was in.
Trouble that started long before last night, and I’m the fool for thinking that I could handle it.
“That’s it.” Theodore let the rifle go limp by his side as he turned to face Christoper. He wore a scowl that was neither angry nor worried. “Are you going to tell us what the matter is with you? Or do we need to guess?”
Christopher looked away. “Nothing is the matter.”
“Ha!”
“He is right, Christopher,” Alistair agreed. “While you are not ordinarily known as a paradigm of good conversation, you are never this morose. What is the matter with you?”
“I told you, nothing is the matter,” he snapped, a little too aggressively.
Typically, both friends noticed this outburst because it was very unlike Christopher to lose his cool. They glanced at one another, worry painting their faces.
“Oh dear,” Theodore said. “It’s that bad?”
“What happened?” Alistair added. “Did someone die?”
Christopher wanted to deny that anything was wrong and finish this little hunting expedition as quickly as possible. He wanted his friends to go on ignoring him, so that he could disappear inside his head and continue to wallow in pity and confusion. He wanted so many things, none of which he was going to get.
Ordinarily, Christopher would never reveal his emotional distress to his friends, because that was dangerous to do. But times were far from ordinary…
“I kissed her,” he confessed, letting his shoulders slump in defeat. “Last evening, I… I kissed her.”
