With that, he turns and walks off.
I head back inside and see Mom holding Sadie who has woken up from her nap. My mother has a knowing look in her eye.
“I take it you heard all of that?” I ask.
“Most of it.”
“And?”
“And what?” She asks.
“And why don’t you go ahead and say what you want? I know you must have thoughts.”
“I’m not going to meddle.”
Since when?
“But,” she begins.
There it is.
“Jo, I still don’t know everything that went on between you and Beau, and I don’t need to. Honestly, I thought you two were going to end up together. You were kind of perfect for each other.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen,” I tell her.
“He not enough of a bad boy for you?” She jokes.
“That wasn’t it at all,” I snap. “Beau was absolutely the most incredible person I knew. He deserved the best.”
“So, what was the problem?”
“The best wasn’t me.”
She points her finger at me. “Hey, that’s my daughter you’re talking about.”
“I’m just saying that Beau deserves someone who had their shit together and someone who wouldn’t fuck him over. Clearly, that wasn’t me.”
She looks like she wants to say something else but decides not to.
Instead, I ask, “Can we have cheesecake now?”
“Of course.”
I reach into the bag, seeing if there are any plastic forks. What I find though is a small box.
Pulling it out, I look from it to my mother. “Really? Nicotine patches?”
“I thought you could use them.”
“I don’t even smoke that much,” I tell her.
“Then, it shouldn’t be that hard for you to quit.”
Luna gets her attention, wanting her to come see something she did in her room, so I’m left to my own thoughts. I should probably be more pissed about the nicotine patches and my mother’s constant need to control my life, but that’s not where my mind goes.
I think about our conversation about Beau instead. I never knew she thought Beau and I would end up together. I meant what I said. I’d never be good enough for a man like Beau.
I’m not saying this to be down on myself. I never have an issue finding a man. The trouble is that they tend to lose interest when they figure out how much of a mess I am. And no one knows how much of a mess I am better than Beau. Could I be happy with someone like Beau? Yes. Could Beau be happy with someone like me? I doubt it.
